Democrat, Republican, or Ree-publican?

A friend of mine - southern, I must add - sent me this in an email this morning. If you've not seen this elseblog, enjoy. If you have, kindly ignore and check more substantive blogs:

Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans?

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 0.40, and you have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

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Democrat's Answer:
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#1- Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed?
#2 - Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
#3 - Could we run away?
#4 - What does my wife think? What about the kids?
#5 - Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
#6 - What does the law say about this situation?
#7 - Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
#8 - Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
#9 - Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
#10 - Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
#11 - If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
#12 - Should I call 9-1-1?
#13 - Why is this street so deserted?
#14 - We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

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Republican's Answer:
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BANG!

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Southern Republican's Answer:
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BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester SilverTips??"