Getting Educated about Global Warming

As the debate widens over global warming (I absolutely refuse to use capital letters for this issue), I find myself in the uneasy position of having one foot in both camps. On the one hand, it's perfectly logical to me to assume that man as a creature has been less than responsible in caring for this planet. On the other, I see absolutely no reason to presume that man is entirely to blame for the current warming trends, and even less reason to teach that presumption in our schools.

Consider the fact that Woody has grown up in and around Los Angeles pretty much all his life. You can't grow up near a city of this size and not understand the impact that we have on our environment. Since I happen to be a life-long asthmatic I can tell you that whenever the atmosphere immediately surrounding the city is anything less than healthy (which is most of the time), I find myself at greater risk of not being able to draw a full breath. I've battled bronchitis and pneumonia from childhood. What's interesting, however, is that recent years have given me a healthier set of lungs overall. Strict emission controls that were implemented back in the 70's and 80's are paying off now. We haven't had health alerts due to air pollution anywhere near approaching the scale we saw as late as, say, 1985. Thus my asthma has been under control for several years now, and seems to flare up more from allergies than any other cause today.

Do I agree with those emission controls that were implemented? You bet I do. In this case it was easy to see the corollary between our manufacturing arrogance and the immediate effect it was having on our air quality. We even banned backyard incinerators in order to make our air a little more healthful.

But, of course, we're not there yet. Not by a long shot. As a society of commuters we are surgically joined to our vehicles. We really can't get along without them, at least not yet. The very fact that most of us need those vehicles in order to provide livings for our families will keep us firmly attached to those vehicles for years to come. It really has little to do with whether (as Al Gore insists) our continual driving of these carbon-spewing anti-climate machines of doom is obliterating the polar ice caps. That's disturbing and all, but pales in comparison with our immediate need to feed, clothe, and house our families.

On the other hand, and perhaps ironically, I still get upset whenever I drive behind someone who tosses his cigarette butt out of the window right in front of me. I'd take his license plate number and phone it in, but I suspect the local cops are a tad busy keeping tabs on all the sex offenders who refuse to tell people where they're living. The last thing they want to do right now is go after some smoker who never cleans out his car's ash tray (if, indeed, the car even has one).

I teach my Woodyettes to pick up after themselves in public. They've gotten so environmentally conscious that way that I have to occasionally remind them not to pick up after anyone else. One never knows just what kind of germs they might encounter, you see, and I'd rather they either learn to "tsk, tsk" at the problem, or carry a pair of rubber gloves around with them if they really want to clean up someone else's mess.

Then I pack them up in our gas-burner and drive them to church, play groups, field trips, family visits, and goodness knows what else.

(Speaking of field trips, if "An Inconvenient Truth" were to come to our local IMAX, do you think the screen would be big enough to contain Al Gore? Me, neither.)

So I'm conflicted about global warming. I don't really want it to be taught in our schools because public educators have a way of making these issues become a religion unto themselves, just as they have with evolution. Rather than teach it as a theory, they make it an absolute fact that entertains no other possibilities. This they will do (and have already done in many cases) with global warming. Thus they will instill in our children a sense of dread and guilt that no amount of reasoned discussion will ever overcome.

Wonderwood Academy will not be teaching Al Gore's version of global warming. And "global warming" will never be capitalized, unless rules of grammar (not Al Gore) insist.

Global Hysteria - UPDATED

I'm no scientist, and neither is Al Gore. Given the fact that the entire scientific community can't quite seem to come to a unanimous agreement on the global warming issue, I'm not quite ready to give in to the hype yet. While I'll grant you that it did seem to take our winter down here a couple of weeks longer to arrive, I can also tell you that it's been one of our chillier winters. Even for Southern California, where "chilly" means "had to put a sweater on, Dude." I don't even want to get into New York and, what is it now, 142 inches of snow? And counting?

No, Al Gore is no scientist. What Al Gore is, precisely, is a politician. Politicians in the Al Gore vein are competent at only one thing: scaring people into supporting their position. And this is something that Al Gore has orchestrated beautifully. Scaring people is how politicians make money. Barbra Streisand makes money for candidates by scaring her friends into believing that without their money the evil Republicans will kill their children and scorch the earth. Republicans make money by scaring their friends into believing that Hillary will make Barbra her Secretary of Defense. Hmm. That one might almost make me give money to the RNC next year. Or not.

Anyway, I'm afraid that, for Woody, the jury is still out on global warming. This is not to say I categorically deny the existence or dangers of greenhouse gasses. I'm all for cleaning up the environment because I believe it to be part of our sacred trust as stewards of the planet we occupy. At some point I may even be wealthy enough to purchase a hybrid vehicle. Hybrids just aren't where I need them to be right now as I contemplate buying a new(er) family vehicle. I would need a hybrid mini-van - not an SUV - and they're just not available yet. But my need for the mini-van trumps the availability of green technology. My apologies. My next car-buying cycle won't appear for (hopefully) another ten years or so, either. But I promise to feel appropriately guilty for buying a carbon-burner this time around.

Perhaps by the time I'm ready to buy again Arnie will have finally created the infrastructure we need to actually support hydrogen technology. That would be great. The problem there is timing. I suspect that the infrastructure won't be ready until I retire, and I sure as heck don't plan to retire anywhere in California. We have, what, 23 (count 'em!) hydrogen stations in the entire state right now, but it won't be viable for long distance travel until we have stations up and down the entire I-5 corridor. Yes, I know that hydrogen cars are supposed to burn both fuels, but I'd rather go whole-hog when I convert. Also, there's no way I'd be able to afford a hydrogen vehicle for quite awhile, unless I'm willing to live in one. So I'm not holding my breath for hydrogen. (Har.)

[Side note: If we have 23 working hydrogen stations and 14 planned, but there are only, like, two hydrogen vehicles in the entire state right now, could that be why we've already decommissioned one station? Just askin'.]

But back to Gore and his Screaming Meemies. I have mentioned elsewhere that there are two classes of people for whom I harbor an instinctive mistrust: politicians (and, by extension, lawyers), and scientists looking for grant money. These two classes of people will do - and say - anything to get our money.

Sorry. This bank is closed.

UPDATE: As if to solidify my position. Politicians make lousy scientists. And vice versa.