Open Letter to the RNC

I detest this part of the campaign.

Dear Homeless Pers... sorry, Campaign Telemarketer,

First, let me apologize. You may or may not remember me. You called my home during (surprise!) dinner this evening, and I was a bit short with you. If you still don't remember me, I'm the fellow who correctly guessed (before you even got started on your script) that you were begging for money again this year. I said (and I quote), "You people need to do a better job with the money you already have!" and hung up. This was completely rude of me, and I am sincerely sorry. Heaven knows you've got homework you should be doing at this hour of the night instead of trying to pick my pocket, and you certainly don't need the extra pressure.

No, I apologize to you. NOT, however, to your bosses.

Listen up, Party Elite. You don't need my money. I need my money. My kids need my money. My wife needs my money. Not you. Not Kerry. Not anyone else pretending they're sincerely interested in representing my best interests in the White House for the next four-year stand-up government routine.

You will, of course, be offended. How could anyone claiming to be a Republican NOT want to hand over his disposable income to keep an incumbent in office? It's not right. It's (dare we say it?) downright un-American!

I guess, then, that you are entitled to an explanation for my refusal to cough up the greenbacks:

Four years ago, an admittedly much whinier Chairman of your august (<- hint: NOT the month!) committee sent me letter after letter after letter. Some ten of them, if memory serves, that appeared in my mailbox roughly every two to three weeks. Every one of them carried the same message: We cannot hope to beat Gore and Whatsisname unless we have YOUR MONEY. Every bit of it you can afford to send us. Even the stuff you can't afford to send, if you want to see your precious country again. Bwahahahahaha! (Sorry. That may be a false memory.) It will probably surprise you to know that I tore most of them up. I actually answered one, making note of the fact that I had no intention of paying the inferred ransom for my liberties, and was promptly awarded with another hand-out letter. I shredded that one.

My participation in that election was limited to the following Pros and Cons analysis:

Gore Cons:
- Numerous
Gore Pros:
- None

Bush Cons:
- Numerous
Bush Pros:
- Has a classy wife to act as First Lady

On the strength of that argument alone, I voted my conscience.

So here it is, four years later, and the argument is the same: We cannot hope to beat <insert name of presumptive Dem candidate here> and <presumptive running mate> this year unless we have YOUR MONEY. Etc., etc. So let me ask, Mr. RNC, what you've done for the past four years with the money that obviously got you into the White House?

Have you...

- Fought hard to put God back into Government where he belongs, despite what the ACLU says?
- Fought even harder to keep marriages as a sacred institution between a man and a woman?
- Won even one battle in the fight to limit abortion to only those situations where there is a real medical need?
- Even attempted to return Government to Constitutional limits?
- Realized the blatant stupidity of the term "no child left behind?"

Then I read the news accounts and realize, "No. You have not."

I'm sorry, RNC. When you consider that the most remarkable thing your candidate has done in office has been to get us into another war (unless you count landing on an aircraft carrier in a war jet), I just can't get excited about this campaign.

Do you have my vote? Of course. Kerry/Edwards is not the way to go, especially when measured against the same points listed above. But...

What a sad way to earn anyone's vote.