tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73840872024-03-07T16:17:42.630-08:00Woody's WoundupPostcards from AmericaWoodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.comBlogger623125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-32537680637250079212012-05-30T16:34:00.002-07:002012-05-30T16:34:48.947-07:00Relo Alert!The time has come to move the Woundup. I will only say that our current hosting environment crossed one line too many in their desire to micro-manage the web, and that one line was the determining factor.<br />
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Look for the Woundup at it's new location: <a href="http://woodyswoundup.com/">http://woodyswoundup.com</a><br />
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Give it a few weeks and this site will be taken down.<br />
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WoodyWoodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-2897128349137159792012-05-19T11:55:00.000-07:002012-05-19T11:57:37.181-07:00Of Dogs and CarsI don't mind admitting that I'm a tremendous Dave Barry fan. Over the years I particularly enjoyed his columns that dealt with either dogs or cars. These, because of my own memories with such things, always set me chuckling.<br />
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I've dealt with a few dogs myself over the years, ranging from a Heinz-57 variety when I was a toddler (known to me only via home movies), an extremely nervous chihuahua named "Twinkle" (for whom my grandmother was nicknamed), and, when I was a teenager, a neurotic whippet named "Splinter."<br />
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Her actual name was not Splinter. She was in reality an AKC-bred whippet and a name like Splinter does not sit well with the AKC for purposes of registration. So her registered name, dreamt up by my father (proving once again that his sense of humor extended beyond merely creating five interesting children) was "Fleetfoots Frangere Dubois." This appropriately pretentious-sounding name was, in fact, a loose composite of French and Italian for "splinter of wood," except for the Fleetfoots part, which was the name of the breeding farm where Splinter was dropped off by extra-terrestrials during an emergency.<br />
<blockquote>
<b>Loudspeaker on ET's bridge</b>: Warning! Transwarp engines reaching critical mass! Eject the whippet core!</blockquote>
ET would use whippets for their spacecraft because these dogs, bred as miniature greyhounds, are lightning fast. We were never rich or pretentious enough as a family to do anything like turn Splinter into an actual racing dog, so her primary form of physical activity was going to the school yard next door and running around like an antelope on meth. I'd let her off the leash, and she'd leave me behind in a cloud of dust. Only an occasional sonic boom would indicate her approximate position. Her favorite trick was waiting for a larger dog, like a labrador or a shepherd, to wander into the school yard and then - ZOOM - she'd run right underneath the larger dog, sending that animal into paroxysms of barking and howling, begging his owner to let him off the leash so he could hunt her down and turn her into a snack.<br />
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Ironically, they wouldn't have had to try very hard if they'd simply wanted to get rid of her. Splinter was a very high strung animal. Her nervousness was such that if our cat happened to wander into the house (on those occasions when she deigned to let us feed her), Splinter would immediately take up residence under our couch and refuse to come out until the cat stopped threatening to shred her like an old credit card.<br />
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I've since been told that whippets are, in fact, highly intelligent animals and capable of amazing feats beyond just running faster than our current fleet of F-22s.<br />
<br />
Right.<br />
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Splinter's main amazing feat was her ability to jump over a given fence or wall, while still chained in our yard, and effectively hang herself in the neighbor's yard. She did this frequently because we spent a lot of time in our neighbor's pool next door during the summer, and Splinter could not bear to hear us having such a good time without her. Since I was a mindless teenager, I usually forgot to shorten her chain and she would easily jump the six-foot fence into the next yard. The chain, however, was only long enough to clear the fence with about three feet of chain left.<br />
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Ah, the good times.<br />
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This morning I was reading about Dave's experiences with buying a car. This reminded me of my Dad's stories about various cars he'd owned. Our family owned cars that were not what I would call muscle cars. Our cars tended to be technological weaklings that other cars could not resist kicking sand at while on the beach.<br />
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The coolest cars we owned were handed down to us by my grandparents who had themselves moved on to muscle cars and gave us what were, when they owned them, perfectly serviceable automobiles, but which became, after our family got hold of them, simpering, blithering shadows of their former selves. Even our Chevy Bel-Air (1955! Baby blue!) could not long withstand our inability to keep any car running without developing some sort of fatal car disease. In the Bel-Air's case, a transmission that somehow or other lost the ability to move in reverse. This meant never parking anywhere that we could not move out of nose-first. If we parked in a driveway, it had to be steep enough to allow us to drift backwards in neutral all the way into the street so we could then move forward.<br />
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Once upon a time, Dad told me about a car they bought mostly on the recommendation of my grandfather (my mom's Dad). It was called the "Goliath," and Dad hated this car. Thanks to the internet, I now know that the Goliath was of European design and build and was considered "revolutionary" for its time. However, the words "two cylinder, two stroke engine" helped me understand the vitriol my father felt for this car. Dad would have considered this car a lawn mower with a trunk and a steering wheel.<br />
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Dad bought the Goliath and before long developed the kind of relationship with it that was similar to Ralph and Alice Kramden in "The Honeymooners." Except that Dad's language when dealing with Alice (the Goliath) was much more colorful than anything Jackie Gleason ever came up with.<br />
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My favorite story about the Goliath, however, was one which always caused my mother to shrink back into the couch and try, if possible, to disappear. This is because she was actually with Dad when this happened, and she tried the same trick in the front seat of the car.<br />
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Dad had pulled up to a red light and - only because the law required it - stopped. The car, sensing an opportunity to get some well deserved rest, expired. Being Los Angeles (the Big City!), some gracious lady pulled up behind Dad at the light. When the light turned green and Dad was frantically trying to get the Goliath resuscitated, the lady began honking her horn.
Those of us who knew and loved my Dad could just envision Dad's reaction to this lady's helpful horn blowing. After a moment or two (I reckoned Dad's legendary patience would have been strained after precisely two honks, but that may be a slight exaggeration) Dad got out of the car, walked back to the helpful lady and said something to the effect of, "Look, lady. I'll make a deal with you. You come start my car, and I'LL SIT HERE AND HONK YOUR #$&*%! HORN!" Mom, at this point, was attempting to phase into an entirely different dimension.<br />
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I'd tell you about the joys of being a two-Volkswagen family when I was a teenager, but I think Dad's patience has had all it can stand for one post.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-41761999539990639292012-04-03T17:47:00.000-07:002012-04-03T17:47:34.932-07:00Gotcha? Not Really...Interesting article in Yahoo! News today. Perhaps not so much for the incident itself, which is telling, but rather for the reaction and bias placed on it by the reporter.<br />
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A young man named Bret Hatch brought what appeared to be a "gotcha" question to a town hall meeting that Mitt Romney was hosting in Wisconsin today. He had been culling through the Book of Mormon looking, no doubt, for some "controversial" doctrine with which he could trip the candidate up, and immediately placed a backward spin on Romney's response that would actually make Jay Carney turn green with envy.<br />
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The headline screams "<a href="http://news.yahoo.com/mormon-sparks-tense-moment-during-mitt-romney-town-183548554--abc-news-politics.html">Mormon Question Sparks Tense Moment During Mitt Romney Town Hall</a>."<br />
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No big deal, really. This sort of thing is par for the political course these days. Certainly we were treated to all sorts of "gotcha" questions back when Sarah Palin was tossed into the meat grinder and Katie Couric threw down her "which newspapers do you read" IED. There was probably no correct answer to that question. Her honest response won no small amount of scorn in the press, while any other answer would have been torn apart as "phony" or "pretentious."<br />
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Today's question was a ham-handed attempt to make Romney admit that because he believes the Book of Mormon to be inspired scripture, then he must be racist because the book refers to a "skin of darkness" as part of a curse for extreme sinfulness.
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<blockquote>
"I guess my question is do you believe it's a sin for a white man to marry and procreate with a black?" asked Hatch. </blockquote>
<blockquote>
"No," Romney responded sternly, before turning to face the other side of the room.</blockquote>
Mr. Hatch later tells the reporter that Romney's answer means he "just denounced his faith up there."<br />
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Simply stated: No, he didn't.<br />
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What he ignores - conveniently - is the fact that the rest of the book speaks of continuous attempts over the centuries to spiritually reclaim those very people and help them accept the gospel, regardless of the color of their skin. This, after all, is the true message of the Gospel: that the blessings of the Lord are available to any and all who will humble themselves and receive them, irrespective of their skin tone or nationality.<br />
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Here's the interesting part of this entire incident. When interviewed after the Town Hall, Mr. Hatch was all too willing to throw out the screed that if Romney believes the Book of Mormon, then it becomes (wait for it) a racial issue.
Get that? It has nothing to do with how successful President Obama may or may not have been during his first term. No, if Romney is the nominee this November, then it boils down to race and little more. At least for Mr. Hatch.<br />
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Here's the thing: as a life-long member of the Church and believer in the Book of Mormon, Obama's presidency (or the man himself, for that matter) has never been about race for me. It has always been (and will always be, I might add) about his radical socialist policies that have kept this country in a state of continuous economic ruin since the day he took office. That's not racism. That's anti-socialist prejudice, and I will freely stipulate to that particular prejudice for the rest of my natural life. His policies and those of the Democrats currently infesting Congress are ruinous, plain and simple.<br />
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If that makes me a racist, then someone needs to contact the various purveyors of dictionaries and get the definition changed. Pronto.<br />
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In the meantime, I have to go. My <a href="http://www.infowars.com/climate-change-skepticism-a-sickness-that-must-be-treated-says-professor/">anti-anthropogenic-global-warming re-education sessions</a> begin tonight.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-82782837885582156482011-10-21T12:24:00.000-07:002011-10-21T12:24:34.506-07:00I'd Have Written Sooner, But I Just Woke UpI'm a few days late for my annual birthday essay, but I have an excellent excuse:<br />
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I forgot.<br />
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Not my actual birthday, of course. I have a wife and daughters that keep me well in mind of my actual birthday. They do this with a series of increasingly subtle hints as the day approaches.<br />
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"What would you like to do on your birthday, Dear?"<br />
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"Daddy, what's your favorite [insert random item here]?"<br />
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"Can we stay home while you and Momma celebrate your birthday?"<br />
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So remembering the day was not the problem.<br />
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Nor do I have a problem with my actual age. Chronologically I turned 53 this year, which is, I dunno, about 137.4 in programmer years. At least that's the way the newer crop of programmers make me feel. I just attended the annual Adobe MAX conference a few weeks ago, and the saddest sight in the world is an old programmer who tries to dress like the hip but nerdy youngsters for which these conferences are really created. I saw one complete with a full head of extremely gray hair in a long ponytail. He was wearing leather (pants and jacket) and a black tee shirt. There were probably piercings, too, but my highly-developed inner eyelid closed before the vision could cause any further damage.<br />
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I'm okay with my apparent lack of hipness, however. I've earned my gray hair, by golly, and I'm ready to accept the fact that when I move, it's not without first having checked to see if my back muscles are in complete agreement with my intended direction. This baby does not turn on a dime, y'know.<br />
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I'm also okay with my need for increased sleep. I've always been a comfortable sleeper, and have been known in past years to sleep even through the occasional six-point-something earthquake. (Sylmar, 1971. Barely registered on my subconscious.)<br />
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Lately I've found myself desperately needing a short nap in the afternoon, no matter how much sleep I get the night before. It generally hits me shortly after lunch, and I can feel my head getting heavier and heavier. Before I know it I startle myself awake with crick in my neck from having slept with my head at a weird angle.<br />
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No, I think my main concern this birthday is my shrinking brain mass. It used to be that we thought we were losing something like a million brain cells every year. It turns out, though, that what really happens is that we lose brain "mass," which is a polite way of saying our brains shrink over time. Again, I'm completely cool with this idea, but I sure wish I could control which portions of my brain engage in said shrinkage.<br />
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Victor Borge used to say, "There are three things I can never remember."<br />
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[pregnant pause]<br />
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"Four!"<br />
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I know what he meant now. My wife and I will be having a conversation, generally having to do with my going to the store to buy something or other. Immediately subsequent to this conversation, my brain will finally remind me that I've just been asked to go to the store. "Just one thing, Honey. What do you need me to get at the store?" To which she replies with that look that women have perfected over centuries of evolution that immediately communicates to the men that they are in Big Trouble because they Haven't Been Listening. "Did you not hear me just tell you what we need?" she will ask.<br />
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Ummmm. Apparently not.<br />
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Here's the part of my brain that I'd love to shrink: Whichever part it is that impels me to believe that I know what I'm doing.<br />
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Really. My Dad was a supremely confident man, at least as I remember him. When he spoke, it was generally with a voice of authority with which other people tended to agree. This may have been because Dad had a somewhat intimidating presence, which is akin to saying that the South Pole is somewhat frozen. But I always thought it was because Dad just always knew what he was talking about.<br />
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Then, however, I think back on some of Dad's homeowner projects when I was growing up. Building walls between rooms in our house, for example. Dad was convinced that we didn't need an open path between our living room and our dining room. Since we had a perfectly serviceable pathway to the kitchen, he decided to wall up the dining room and turn it, briefly, into a "den." That poor den suffered through quite a number of Dad's homeowner projects over the years, until ultimately he tore out everything he'd ever built <i>except</i> for the wall, and turned it back into a dining room.<br />
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Likewise our backyard gardens. Dad was the world's greatest armchair gardener. He had a long-standing subscription to "Organic Gardening" magazine and even took classes at the local junior college on the topic. These resources were, of course, applied directly to his children, whom he employed as migrant farm workers. I don't mean to say that he didn't get out there himself and work; I'm just saying that I always felt like I was getting more than my fair share of garden-related assignments.<br />
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These two examples, however, illustrate perfectly this idea that, as an adult, I always feel that I not only know what I'm doing, but I'm not generally happy when a) not everyone else seems to think so, and b) my ideas frequently seem to turn out differently from the way I originally planned them.<br />
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That part of my brain I would never miss. But it seems to be the only part of my brain that not only isn't shrinking, but seems to be expanding. Probably sucking up mass from other parts of my brain, like my memory, or my attention to detai...<br />
<br />
What was I talking about?<br />
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Nuts. Now I can't remember. Guess I'm done with this one, then.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-16109859975357653882011-09-20T09:42:00.000-07:002011-09-20T09:44:23.226-07:00Statistically SpeakingJust based on my own observations with respect to any argument related to Global Warming or any data quoted by the current Administration:<br />
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Statistics are the artful manipulation of raw data in such manner that the end results are entirely disconnected from that raw data.<br />
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Or so it seems to me.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-19770968059583420972011-08-29T13:10:00.001-07:002011-08-29T13:16:34.614-07:00Raising the Bar for "Dysfunctional"Because, at the end of the day, we're all just <a href="http://michellemalkin.com/2011/08/29/out-us-government-in-federal-family/">one big happy family</a>, right?
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<br />If they qualify as a "family," then they have serious in-breeding problems.
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<br />Just sayin'.
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<br />(H/T: <a href="http://michellemalkin.com">Michelle Malkin</a>)Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-69119151751667892222011-08-22T10:42:00.000-07:002011-08-22T10:44:25.874-07:00It Isn't Supposed to Be EasyA few thoughts on homeschooling, from a perspective of having done this for awhile now:
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<br />1. It's not for everyone.
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<br />We have met many, many homeschooling families over the years. Often it's just a chance meeting at a large gathering, such as when Sea World hosts a "homeschool" event. There you get to see thousands of families in split-second tableaux. Such encounters always have me wondering why many of these families choose to homeschool. Is it rage against the machine? A sincere desire to instill family values (like — I swear I saw this — matching tattoos on their teenagers)? Shouldn't they look happier if they're pursuing a family dream?
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<br />Just watching parents dealing with their kids in public makes me ask one other, even more troubling question: Are there parents who school their kids at home out of fear that some authority figure is going to sic child welfare services on them because they are obviously lousy parents? Of course, perhaps we were just catching them on a bad day...
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<br />2. The decision of whether to homeschool is never an easy one, even if it was never really a question at all.
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<br />My sweetheart and I had decided to homeschool before we ever brought a child into the world. The fact that Mrs. Woody had been a public school teacher in her past life only cemented the obvious: the state of public education was changing at an alarming rate, and not in a good way. Reading between the lines of various reports and debates throughout the nation even fifteen or sixteen years ago, it was clear that if we wanted our children to learn solid fact, rather than socialized ephemera, we needed to do it ourselves. Besides, if we want our children to learn something other than solid fact, I much prefer it be based on a gospel I can support, rather than the gospel of the micro-managing labor unions that currently control public education today.
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<br />These reasons alone, however, were not sufficient to make our final decision to homeschool our daughters. They were the "why" of the equation. The "why" is hardly ever in doubt; it is the "how" that makes homeschooling such a difficult decision. "How" are we going to teach our daughters everything they need to know, and can we possibly do so without interference from (or even notice of) state and local authorities. Those are questions that must be researched carefully and thoroughly before committing yourselves and your children to such a venture.
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<br />When we talk to perspective homeschoolers, the questions we get are never "why." They are "how." And they are legion.
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<br />3. Homeschooling is a noble act, no matter what your friends, family, neighbors, and especially the government may think.
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<br />This of course assumes that you are meant to homeschool. Interestingly, living in California is actually quite a blessing when it comes to homeschooling. I will tell you this, however: the level of potential interference from an administrative perspective increases exponentially if you live in a part of the state that is considered "liberal" in its base politics. We have had the good fortune of living in two counties that are traditionally considered "conservative" in their base. School districts in these counties largely shrug their collective shoulders where homeschoolers are concerned, and some even attempt to open their doors and allow homeschoolers access to their resources.
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<br />At a state level, California makes it possible to homeschool largely under the radar. Legally there are no real obstacles to homeschooling in this state. Challenges are usually the result of some moral diarrhea being suffered by a local authority who simply cannot accept that public education is anything less than spectacularly wonderful for every child. We even had one candidate for Superintendent of Public Instruction in our last election who could not for the life of him imagine any campus in California not being perfectly "safe" for our children. This candidate had obviously never visited any campus anywhere in East or South Central Los Angeles.
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<br />I know there are families in California who have had to defend themselves legally, but by rights (and by law) they should never have been prosecuted in the first place.
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<br />4. Homeschooling is fun! Eventually!
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<br />Make no mistake: homeschool is hard work. It requires hours of planning; constant modification based on what works or doesn't work; daily fine-tuning to make sure you're understanding all the nuances that your children are experiencing as they grow (and learn!). In the early stages, frustration mounts whenever an attempted curriculum fails to do the job. This isn't working! What am I doing wrong? (Legal notice: frustrations may include, but are not limited to, curriculum, lack of internet access on any particular day, the attitudes of children or spouse, interference from "concerned" but "well-meaning" extended family, Mondays, Fridays, "that time of the month," full moons, or the latest ant infestation in your kitchen.)
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<br />It isn't necessarily you. Even if it is, you may simply need to rethink things. If one curriculum isn't working, there's bound to be one that will. Just check to make sure the problem isn't the way in which the curriculum was applied. Some people need to have every aspect of their school day scheduled out to the nth degree. Others abhor scheduling of any kind and just let things happen as they will. Either way, expect to be in a state of constant change until both you and your student(s) hit your stride. Finding that rhythm that works in most cases is the hardest thing you'll ever do. Once you've accomplished that and found the materials that properly support that rhythm, the rest is easy.
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<br />And fun.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-35533963298726743272011-04-26T00:59:00.000-07:002011-04-26T01:11:37.545-07:00Great Communication (or: Great. Communication.)Instant messaging has its place, but I'm a traditionalist. In today's terms, probably even a fundamentalist. My problem is that I insist on complete sentences in my business communications.<br /><br />Typical IM exchange between me and a co-worker:<blockquote><b>Me</b>: Are you there?<br /><br /><b>Co-worker</b>: y<br /><br /><b>Me</b>: When you say "y," do you mean "yes" or "why?"<br /><br /><b>Co-worker</b>: wut<br /><b>Co-worker</b>: y do u ask<br /><br /><b>Me</b>: See? In that last sentence, "y" clearly meant "why," but without context your first sentence could have meant "yes I am here, thanks for asking," or "why do you need to know? Am I late for a meeting?"<br /><br /><b>Co-worker</b>: ?<br /><br /><b>Me</b>: Ah! So you DO know what a question mark is!<br /><br /><b>Co-worker</b>: go away</blockquote>I blame my mother. She has always been a strong typist and I decided at some point early in life that I wished to master the realm of QWERTY. I remember sitting at our small portable typewriter upstairs carefully transcribing my collection of Bill Cosby records. By the time I took typing as a class in junior high, I was already typing around 35 words per minute. I think in my prime I got that all the way up to around 70 or 75. Fast enough to prefer typing to all other forms of writing, but not quite fast enough to be an office admin.<br /><br />Then Dad bought our first home computer. I was still on my mission at the time, but it didn't take me long to immerse myself in the world of microcomputing and begin learning a third language: BASIC. (Fourth, actually, if I count <em>both</em> K'iche' and Spanish as my second and third languages. Unfortunately, I've all but lost the Mayan dialects now.) <br /><br />BASIC was fun because I had to master a whole new slate of keys to which I'd never paid attention on the old typewriters. Things like the colon, for which I could never find a use in normal correspondence, but which are found in nearly every line of BASIC code in any given application. Likewise the @ symbol. I can't even remember covering that silly thing in typing class, yet have been using it faithfully since 1980. Almost lost my skills when migrating from the old TRS-80 keyboards to today's standard PC keyboards, though. The Trash-80's character keys were in different positions, so I had to re-teach myself how to type them when I received my first XT Boat Anchor (640K RAM! Two — count 'em — TWO 5-1/4 inch floppies!)<br /><br />Even then, however, I refused to give up on traditional English when writing memos, even as a lowly expediter working in a factory.<br /><br />(For those who really know me, this is especially ironic. My family nickname is "the Great Communicator," because I pretty much never communicate with anyone who is not in the immediate room with me. I have kids living in Minnesota who are now convinced that I am about as real as Santa Claus because they only hear from me once a year, and about all I say is, quote, "Ho, ho, ho," as in, "You need money? Ho, ho, ho.")<br /><br />(Secondary sidebar: Do you have any idea how ludicrously difficult it is to frame a formal letter in the old DOS version of Lotus 1-2-3? Yet that was what we tended to use because we weren't allowed an actual word processing application for a few years. Then we printed them out on our dot-matrix printers, some of which forced everything into ALL CAPS WHETHER YOU TYPED THEM THAT WAY OR NOT. The result was that our business communications, however well formed, tended to look like we'd printed them using $1.99 rubber stamp kits such as you'd buy at your local supermarket to get your kids out of your hair on rainy afternoons. Weren't those days <em>fun</em>?)<br /><br />Now, of course, we have a whole new generation of college-educated kids hitting the workplace (assuming they won the mud-pit wrestling match at the jobs fair) with really fascinating degrees in business and communications. Except that they can't form a complete sentence to save their souls. These days it's not at all uncommon to receive requests like this one:<blockquote>Woody,<br /><br />Someone said to me that you are the guru for UCA datas and I need a report but I need it last quarter and first quarter and you can have it for me by tomorrow? Early? Thx</blockquote>You guessed it: another MBA from Pepperdine just hit the rolls. I'll probably be working for this person in another six months or so.<br /><br />I may be poor, but I'm a terrific communicator.<br /><br />Unless you're related to me.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-23282682696653243772011-04-03T02:14:00.000-07:002011-04-03T02:35:52.210-07:00It's Too Soon!Next year is Election Year(!), and a presidential election to boot. And while 2012 cannot possibly get here fast enough for most Republicans, I have to say it's far too soon to have to deal with sharks in the water already.<br /><br />The odd thing is, we have good reason to hurry. The ruinous health care fiasco foisted on us by an over-zealous Congress and President last year continues to rankle. The list of waivers is growing nearly as fast as the debt ceiling, with no end in sight. Even with Republicans in control of the House, no one seems quite ready to engage in more than token spending reductions at this point. Heck, I may actually have to file an extension on taxes this year just because some rule changes are harder to figure out than others.<br /><br />But I am definitely NOT ready to have to listen to all the posturing, finger-pointing, mud-slinging, and other forms of lying that will accompany either the candidates themselves, or the rabid liberal press who will insist on pounding us with their social justice agenda.<br /><br />Time once again to buy more stock in whomever makes Motrin®.<br /><br />Besides all that, I am nowhere near ready to write up two more Curmudgeon's Guides for Young Conservative Voters next year. And heaven only knows when the primary election for California will be. We were so concerned with getting "out front" last time around that California Republican officials very likely torpedoed any chance we had of gaining even one significant state-wide office, much less making any sort of difference at the national level.<br /><br />(NOTE TO CALIFORNIA REPUBLICAN PARTY LEADERS: Next time you throw support to a candidate for Governor or United States Senate, let's get out in front of the whole alien employee situation, hm? It's embarrassing to live in the most populous state in the country, yet one that is incapable of putting forward even one serious contender for state or national office in the last twenty years. Let's work on that one, 'kay, guys? Let's also make sure they have solid conservative creds this time. That last bunch were RINOs to the core!)<br /><br />Already wishing it were 2013.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-85477397965549051862011-01-02T10:50:00.000-08:002011-01-02T10:55:11.772-08:00New Year's Resolution?So I have this talent. No, not <em>this</em> talent. This talent tends to annoy people who lean a certain direction politically and can't understand why we aren't falling that direction right along with them. No, this is in reference to my <em>other</em> talent, which only annoys people who don't want to believe that anything their favorite pop or rock star is performing was already written two hundred years ago by some dead composer.<br /><br />Most of my family possess this talent to one degree or another. We were blessed with two hugely talented parents, both of whom are (or were... it's awfully hard to write this stuff when one of them is living and the other one is, oh, <em>terra-challenged</em>) dedicated to the craft. I certainly won't deny that most of what I know is what they taught me over the years, while the rest is attributed to whatever I could glean from working with various conductors beginning in high school.<br /><br />Indeed, part of the reason I'm a fairly decent sight-reader today has more to do with Dad than perhaps anyone else. Dad was a tremendous fan of the march. He'd served in both the Army and Air Force and was in the band both times. He had a dance band at one point (in a rare glimpse of his past, he even admitted to once having owned a zoot suit, of all things!), and was constantly seen with his pad working on some composition or other. The problem was that his piano skills were not quite in keeping with the rest of his talent (although his favorite calling - ever - was Primary Pianist). Hence he would drag Mom out of whatever project she was working and make her play through his score.<br /><br />Now, Mom is an incredible accompanist. She was the ward organist from my earliest memory until many years after I moved away and started my own family. She could play almost anything, but Dad stumped her. Frequently. Part of it was Dad's notation style. If you've ever cracked open a Schirmer edition of "Messiah" and seen that reproduction of Handel's original manuscript, Dad's tended to look a lot like that, only not as neat. He didn't write notes so much as hash marks that often weren't distinguishable from ledger lines. He gave new meaning to the term "accidentals." I personally struggled to determine whether I was looking at a sharp or a natural. Flats were easier, but looked like anemic h's.<br /><br />The other part of our common struggle was Dad's compositional style. He tended toward an <em>avant garde</em> style that never quite resonated with me. He would have been a fabulous film composer, which was one of those not-so-secret dreams he had for his retiring years. But I am not and never was a film studio musician, and I struggled with Dad's choral stuff. However, by the time I graduated high school I could by golly <em>read</em> his music. And once you could read Dad's compositions, the rest wasn't all that difficult.<br /><br />What I struggle with today is my own rather serious lack of musical knowledge. I go through this personal inventory of skills and knowledge every once in awhile, and music sits at the top of a very long list of things I should know more about than I do. I am the poster child for under-acheiving musicians.<br /><br />Talent is a wonderful thing, but in a character like mine it has the effect of dampening my desire or need to do anything about it. Music as a lifestyle came naturally to me, but I am a lazy cuss and have never applied this talent toward any practical end.<br /><br />I started two instruments and never finished either one of them. Singing was easier because I didn't have to coordinate my voice with anything my fingers were trying to do at the moment. Violins and pianos are like that; demanding mistresses that need you to pay attention to too many things all at once in order to keep them happy. The voice is a lower-maintenance relationship. Keep it healthy, treat it with respect and it will continue to perform for you. Oh, sure, it requires technique and following of rules, but it's all self-contained. Don't even have to worry about carrying it around in a case, or keeping it dusted and polished.<br /><br />Which brings me to my resolution for this year. It's a relatively simple one, but one I've needed to make for a long time now. I need to learn more about this talent I have but for which my skill set is seriously lacking. I need to begin a course of study (probably informal... I still have a day job) that will enhance my theoretical knowledge of the music I love so much. Let's face it: music is my eternal calling. I may prefer teaching callings, but any given ward has relatively few people who can serve as choir directors. I can <em>do</em> the calling, but it would be nice to <em>know</em> what I'm doing.<br /><br />Although, for people of a certain political persuasion, that never seems to stop them.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-38107570757251592062010-11-29T00:22:00.000-08:002010-11-29T00:33:19.941-08:00Let the Traditions Begin!There are Christmas traditions with which I grew up that have not translated well into adulthood. The cardboard fireplace, for example. Absolutely the hokiest decoration ever. I have no idea where on earth Mom picked it up, and after the first year I suspect I was the primary reason it got assembled every subsequent year until the poor thing itself became a fire hazard. But I loved it. Since I was the one to assemble it, I guess I took on a pride of ownership sentiment; it was one of the few things that I could actually build year after year that didn't look like a really bad shop project in junior high. I can remember sitting for hours and staring at the cheap little tin propeller that spun over the red light bulb and simulated "fire" glowing in the fireplace. Growing up in Simi Valley it was the closest to a real fireplace that I'd ever seen. Not much call for them except for two or three weeks out of the year, really.<br /><br />By the time the fireplace became fodder for the recycling bin, I'd moved on to bigger and, arguably, better traditions.<br /><br />Most of those traditions revolved around Christmas music. Not any particular song, necessarily. Just the joy of singing wonderful music centered around this unique blend of the spiritual and the secular that result in just about the most fun a musician can have and still be considered legal.<br /><br />By the time I'd entered high school, my internal calendar pretty much revolved around a standard concert season. Most concert seasons seem to be based on the standard school calendar, beginning in fall and ending either in spring or early summer. After an all-too brief hiatus in the summer, it's back to the rehearsal grind and the arrival of the first octavos of...<br /><br />CHRISTMAS MUSIC.<br /><br />In high school we occasionally had a reprieve of a few weeks before the good stuff showed up, whilst our director dithered over whether to bother with a fall concert. When working with kids, that's not a lot of time to slam together a concert of any length with two or more of your active groups, only to turn around and have them begin to memorize the Christmas repertoire. More typically we'd keep a few generic pieces that could be performed at the drop of a hat at, say, the Knights of Columbus hall, or the VFW, and spend most of our fall rehearsal time working on the holiday tunes.<br /><br />My life has chugged along in this pattern, year after year, whenever I've been fortunate enough to work in an active choir.<br /><br />For the last seven years, though, our actual holiday "season" hasn't officially gotten underway until our annual <a href="http://messiahsing.org">Messiah Sing-Along</a>. The Yorba Linda Arts Alliance was looking for <s>a really, <em>really</em> cheap tenor</s> soloists that first year who would work for the right price (FREE) and I was recommended by a mutual acquaintance. I've been the tenor soloist for this event every year since. (Proof <a href="http://messiahsing.org/images/100_1953.jpg">here</a>.)<br /><br />So there are two things that make this a wonderful way to begin our season. First, the family gets to listen to Daddy do a not-bad job on a mildly challenging solo ("Every valley shall be exalted"). Even better, we begin our celebrations with a recitation of some of the more significant prophecies surrounding the birth and mission of the Savior by listening to a setting that comes nearer to celestial music (in my mind) than practically anything written before or since. <br /><br />Musically, "Messiah" (I will NOT entertain the whole "The Messiah" vs. "Messiah" debate here... Schirmer wrote "THE MESSIAH" bold as brass on my 1912 edition of the score that I use every year, and I have to continually remind myself that many music snobs get VERY UPSET when you use "The" in front of "Messiah." Phooey, I say!) may quote extensively from Handel's earlier works, but what musician doesn't borrow from their own work when they live and die by the commission? We love the music, and find it a perfect companion to our festive spirit.<br /><br />All this by way of saying that our traditional holiday season has begun here at Hacienda Woody. May yours be every bit as celestial as you can possibly make it this year.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-64996585836200337552010-11-12T14:59:00.001-08:002010-11-12T15:47:43.826-08:00Flying the FlagMy dear spouse yesterday reminded me that we had utterly failed to fly the flag for Veterans Day. I was deeply chagrined, as I enjoy flying the colors for every appropriate holiday so long as we are in town. We fly the flag because it represents our feelings towards this country we call home. We are truly grateful to be citizens of the United States of America, and flying the flag is an appropriate expression of that citizenship.<br /><br />That's why <a href="http://www.fox40.com/news/headlines/ktxl-school-officials-respond-to-fl-111210,0,2143331.story">this particular story</a> raises my blood pressure a few notches.<br /><br />Understand, however, that it is not the actions of the school administrators involved with this incident that have me seeing red. They acted on information that they possessed and experiences that they had recently had with the flying of a Mexican flag during Cinco de Mayo (according to at least one account), and decided to ban the adornment out of safety concerns for their students. It was probably a reflexive reaction to a situation and driven at least partially by a desire to not have any child's blood on their hands. I can understand the sentiment.<br /><br />What leaves me short of breath in this case is the <em>need</em> for making such a decision in the first place.<br /><br />If you read my post from yesterday, wherein I honored my Dad as part of my Veterans Day celebration, then you understand how I feel about this country. Displaying an American flag on American soil is <em>fundamentally no different from displaying any given nation's flag on their own soil</em>. It is, in fact, encouraged in most countries to display the banner of their homeland, often in ways far more aggressive and ostentatious than we do here in the United States. Certainly it was that way in Guatemala, and I have seen plenty of photographic evidence from other countries as well.<br /><br />Citizenship 101 would also indicate that, even if you choose to honor the country of your birth and fly a flag from any other nation, say, Mexico as an example, then that flag should always be flown <em>underneath</em> the Stars and Stripes to demonstrate that you recognize the United States as your country of choice and the nation to which you owe your circumstances, including the opportunity to earn a living and provide for your needs and those of your family.<br /><br />I myself come from a background that is heavily English and German in origin. I do not, however, feel any overwhelming urge to fly the flags of either nation here at home. I am grateful for the heritage, and may even try to emulate certain of their traditions in my own life, but I owe them no other allegiance whatsoever.<br /><br />My feelings can best be summed up thus: <a href="http://woodyswoundup.blogspot.com/2007/04/flag-montebello-hoax.html">Flying any other nation's flag above the Stars and Stripes indicates to me that <b>you do not belong in this country</b>, or, at the very least, do not appreciate being here</a>. And for those who simply hate the United States, the exits are clearly marked and always open.<br /><br />It really is that simple.<br /><br />I try to be a tolerant man. I have no ingrained or deep-rooted prejudices against any race or nationality of which I am aware. If I have a lack of tolerance, it is mostly reserved for those people who lay claim to living and working in this country, while clearly despising everything else that this country represents, including those most basic of rights wherein we may freely express our thoughts and opinions, and worship as we see fit. If these things make you uncomfortable, you ought not to be here.<br /><br />So the next time you see a kid riding a bike with an American flag attached, remind yourself to not only be grateful that we have such a privilege, but that we should jealously defend that privilege when suffering the mockery and scorn that so many other nations level at us when displaying such patriotism.<br /><br />Don't just tell me you want to live here.<br /><br />Prove it.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-53637112814690442732010-11-11T08:59:00.001-08:002010-11-11T09:35:05.270-08:00Honoring a VeteranHe was a double veteran, actually. Served twice, in two different services.<br /><br />Timing was everything. He joined the Army just at the end of World War II when everything was winding down. Just couldn't graduate high school quite fast enough, it seems. No matter; he joined the band. Did his stint and accepted the thanks of a grateful nation.<br /><br />Then came the Korean "conflict." He decided to join up again, but this time opted for the Air Force, and once again served in the band. Did time in Alaska. Made, I believe, Staff Sgt.<br /><br />He told exactly two stories about his time in the military. To me, at least. One had to do with lips freezing to the mouthpiece of his horn in Alaska. The other was a story with a moral. Something about having "borrowed" a superior officer's Jeep, but under orders from his own superior. When the offended officer called him on it, his response was, "Guilty with an explanation, SIR!" I always got a kick out of that one.<br /><br />At some point, probably in his military career, he got a tattoo. He pointedly refused to ever discuss it. No idea what the circumstances may have been. Certainly at that point he would have been considered a man of the world, and in my imagination could well have been out on furlough with some buddies, imbibed somewhat more than would be considered legally safe these days, and got the tattoo. But we'll never know that story now, at least not in this life.<br /><br />This veteran is, of course, my father. Dad passed away about a decade ago. There's a marker at his grave denoting his two branches of service. I've not been back to see it since the funeral. I've meant to, of course. In fact, the one time I tried during one of our family excursions the cemetery was closed. It doesn't trouble me that I've not been back. We'll get there one of these days, and the desire to see it hasn't fled. But I'm comfortable that my memories of Dad are still fresh enough that I find comfort in them.<br /><br />Dad was loyal to his country. I don't say patriotic, because that smacks of more overt acts of flag-waving and pontificating that were never Dad's style. His was a quiet patriotism. But he understood, as well as or better than most, just how important this country was in the wide scheme of things throughout the world. Why else join two branches of service only to suffer through two different boot camp experiences and never see combat? It was because he saw it as being important. A duty that he would not shirk.<br /><br />I would venture to guess that none of these thoughts were terribly profound to Dad. He had been brought up to love and support his country, and he took his citizenship seriously. According to his mother, who all but declared that the man walked on water, he was just built that way. More likely Dad took a pragmatic view of his service at the time. Certainly he never bragged about it in later years. It was just a fact of his life up to that point. Something that added to his world view and his luggage full of experience.<br /><br />That his oldest son would be somewhat more openly patriotic would not have surprised Dad. While I have a lot of Dad in me, I also represent Mom and her expressiveness. This is where my desire to write comes from. Dad was never that expressive. While serving my mission he wrote me exactly two letters. One encouraging me to stick to the work. The other giving me a few details of his wipeout on his Vespa (long story). Those represent the only two letters I received from my father ever. At some point he kept a journal, but mostly because it was on a computer and he loved to tinker with computers.<br /><br />I appreciate two things about Dad's service in the Army and the Air Force. First and foremost is an appreciation of all things we love about our veterans. Their willingness to serve and protect our nation from enemies of freedom. It is, however, his love of and devotion to this country that I appreciate most. It is that characteristic that I have adopted in my own life, and I treasure it. I was never brave enough to volunteer for service; the draft ended by the time I was old enough to enlist, and the mandatory registration requirements weren't reinstated until I had just passed that age limit. Probably would have gone Navy if anything, but Dad would have been cool with that. But even without having served directly, I have long supported our military by helping in a small way to build the materials that they need to be able to carry that fight wherever duty may require. It is a work that I cherish beyond simply bringing home the bacon.<br /><br />So we honor our veterans (Mrs. Woody's Dad also served) on this day. May their devotion to duty never be counted against them, and may God protect them, one and all.<br /><br />Rest in peace, Dad.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-20629028407366029802010-11-03T12:00:00.000-07:002010-11-03T12:20:59.172-07:00The AftermathWhile not a bad night overall for Republicans (control of the House, gains in the Senate), here in California we have proven that, no matter how bad things are, it can always get worse.<br /><br />First, the Propositions. Uncle Woody did about as well as expected, but is still sore about the whole redistricting commission thing. See my summary of results in the <a href="http://woodyswoundup.blogspot.com/2010/10/curmudgeons-guide-for-young.html">Curmudgeon's Guide</a>.<br /><br />As far as candidates go, I always do better with local and county slates just because we still live in a predominantly conservative section of California, but one that is quickly becoming a conservative oasis in an otherwise progressive wasteland. My picks for Anaheim mayor and city council came through. We'll see how long before Disney Appeasement Syndrome kicks in (characterized by an overwhelming urge to plant lips on Disney's fanny).<br /><br />Races for things like local school boards really don't pique my interest as I have no dog in the hunt. Likewise court positions. Since I try to live such that I won't need to avail myself of their services, I don't tend to keep an eye on them. (That said, the one fellow I voted against in this election made it handily anyway. More power to him.)<br /><br />It is, of course, at the state level where the sting is most sharply felt. Republicans were, once again, pathologically incapable of fronting any candidates serious enough to challenge the oppressive Bay Area progressive junta. The closest we came to a victory was Steve Cooley, and as of now it looks too close to call but is <span style="font-style: italic;">leaning</span> toward the Democrat.<br /><br />I can't really claim to be surprised that Boxer won. Fiorina had her points, but not enough of them to overcome the liberal's ultra-left Darling in the Senate. The wrench, though, is Jerry Brown re-entering the Governor's office. (One immediately wonders whether he'll avail himself of the Governor's mansion this time around, now that he's, you know, married and everything.)<br /><br />The only thing I can figure is that enough voters were young enough this time around to have no memory of Brown's first attempt to destroy the state of California. As I told a friend of mine last night, the next sound you hear may very well be helicopters loaded with more malathion to dump on your <s>families</s> trees.<br /><br />Oh, well. I have high hopes that Cooley may still pull off a miracle so we can watch the dynamic between a Governor who has no regard for California law, and an Attorney General who would actually work to enforce it. Still, we can look for ol' Moonbeam to make for plenty of late-night comedy fodder over the next several years.<br /><br />Utah is looking better all the time.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-16718134792737035522010-11-02T08:15:00.001-07:002010-11-02T08:19:42.022-07:00Election Day ReminderVOTE!<br /><br />It is the most basic responsibility of citizenship in this country. Our ability (and right) to vote separates us from so many nations, we should consider this right to be both precious and significant.<br /><br />I voted absentee this year for the first time in many elections, and it still feels good today. I know that I have participated. I hold no delusions that my choices will agree with everyone else, but I am certain that my voice has been heard. Above all, I can (and often do) speak volumes about the foibles of our elected officials, knowing that if I disagreed with them I did so at the ballot box.<br /><br />VOTE!Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-20636489528256784022010-11-01T12:44:00.000-07:002010-11-01T12:48:03.065-07:00Woody Is a DollIn the run-up to tomorrow's big election, I've been monitoring site activity to watch how many hits the Curmudgeon's Guide gets (which, by the way, <a href="http://woodyswoundup.blogspot.com/2010/10/curmudgeons-guide-for-young.html">see</a>, if it's not too late!). Usually folks come here having looked for some form of the search string "conservative voters guide," and manage to find the Woundup in the process. Some folks even stick around for a bit and actually read the Guide. I thank you for even considering my opinion while forming your own.<br /><br />Every once in awhile, though, this blog is visited due to some rather, oh, <em>peculiar</em> search strings that have little or nothing to do with politics. I do still get searches for "montebello hoax," meaning that school teachers are still assigning students to write about the incident wherein a <a href="http://woodyswoundup.blogspot.com/2007/04/flag-montebello-hoax.html">Mexican flag was flown over an inverted American flag during a protest at Montebello High School a few years ago</a>. Sorry, teachers, it really happened. That fact has simply been too well documented to insist on calling it a "hoax." Blame for that incident is still widely disputed, but not the incident itself. Back to your social engineering blackboards with you.<br /><br />The search that caught my eye today, though, was "how to fix Woody's head." It is a question that has, I confess, triggered a primordial response deep within my psyche.<br /><br />First, of course, there's the obvious fact that I was completely unaware that my head was in need of fixing. Not that various liberals and alternative religionists haven't gently suggested such a thing in the past. My comments section is chock-full of folks who somehow question my intelligence. But even when they do, they never imply that my head needs fixing. Re-educating, yes. They universally seem to agree that I need serious re-educating. But not fixing.<br /><br />Then I looked to the source of the question. The chap (we'll assume a male of the species for strictly generic purposes) is based in India, or at least was using the India version of Google, so there may be something of a language barrier at play. I spent time in Guatemala some thirty years ago, and the local Mayan dialect used the question "is your face good?" to ask whether you were, in fact, feeling fine. "Good my face," I would reply (although not, obviously, in English) which seemed to satisfy local custom. Perhaps "fix head" is, in one of the Indian dialects, an indicator of bad taste, as in "you would better appreciate this snake stew if your head weren't broken."<br /><br />But, no, I have long known about my blog's title and its uncomfortable similarity to "Woody's Round-up" which figured so prominently in "Toy Story II." Now, I have every admiration for Pixar and their writing teams, and I picked the name "Woody's Woundup" as (I thought) a clever play on my long-standing nickname and the allusion to Toy Story, but which could also be interpreted as my being constantly "wound up" about something or other (meaning politics). Hence I get visited by numerous folks — primarily in Japan for some reason — who are looking for information on the Round-up. Google's infamous search engine uses that fabulous proximity logic of theirs and sends them here. Thanks, Google!<br /><br />Hence, in the final analysis I'm forced to conclude that this individual was actually concerned with the state of Woody's head, meaning that he has a Woody doll from the movie, and has somehow broken the poor thing's melon. It is a tragedy, to be sure, and one for which I hope this person finds immediate relief. After all, a cow may be sacred in India, but who knows what significance a Woody doll may have?Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-73997661531672466972010-10-07T00:59:00.000-07:002010-11-02T23:07:56.808-07:00Curmudgeon's Guide for Young Conservative Voters (AMENDED)<b>California General Election 2010 Edition (AMENDED) (UPDATED TO REFLECT RESULTS AS OF 11:00 PM)</b><br /><br /><em>Scroll down for updates in <span style="color:red;">red</span></em><br /><br />It's time once again, boys and girls, for Uncle Woody's Patented (Pend.), 100% Effective, Accept-No-Substitutes-or-Imitations <b>Curmudgeon's Guide for Young Conservative Voters</b>®©™.<br /><br />Every election that rolls around here in California (and believe me, with as many fault lines as we have here in California, when I say they "roll," I mean they slosh around like loose barrels on a storm-tossed dinghy) gets this treatment from your genial host (remember him?). We suffered through the Primary Election back in June, wound up with mediocre (at best) candidates from which to choose, and now we prepare for the General Election, which will (or perhaps won't) be a <b>turning point</b> in Congress during this so-called mid-term election cycle. It will (or perhaps won't) be an <b>indictment</b> of President Obama's numerous failures to do anything except learn how to <b>kow-tow</b> before various heads of state (see: <b>Seat of Pants, Government by</b>). So the results will (most likely in this case) be <b>interesting</b>, to say the least.<br /><br />So, fellow citizens, we come to bury the Propositions here in California, not praise them. I will examine them one by one, attempting to rein in my hyperactive gag reflex, and tell you in as concise a manner as I am capable how I think you Young Conservatives should vote. Or not. This is a very relaxed voters guide, here at the Woundup.<br /><br />First, though, <s>allow me to provide you with a handy clip-out summary of the measures so you can carry Uncle Woody's brilliance with you to the ballot box</s> <span style="color:red;">check the results as of late Tuesday evening (I'll blog about the candidates tomorrow)</span>:<br /><div><table style="FONT-SIZE: 10px" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="1" width="400" bgcolor="#000000"><tbody><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff"><b>Measure</b></td><td bgcolor="#ffffff"><b>Uncle Woody</b></td><td bgcolor="#ffffff"><b>California</b></td><td bgcolor="#ffffff"><b>Uncle Woody's Reaction</b></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">19 - Legalizes Marijuana Under California But Not Federal Law. Permits Local Governments to Regulate and Tax Commercial Production, Distribution, and Sale of Marijuana. Initiative Statute.</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO (56.1%) </td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">Send the pot-heads to Mexico to deal directly with the cartels!</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">20 - Redistricting of Congressional Districts. Initiative Constitutional Amendment</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES (64.p%)</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">Uncle Woody is not surprised, though disappointed.</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">21 - Establishes $18 Annual Vehicle License Surcharge to Help Fund State Parks and Wildlife Programs, Grants Surcharged Vehicles Free Admission to All State Parks. Initiative Statute</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO (61.4%)</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">It failed the duck test.</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">22 - Prohibits the State From Borrowing or Taking Funds Used for Transportation, Redevelopment, or Local Government Projects and Services. Initiative Constitutional Amendment</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES (63.8%)</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">Don't blame Uncle Woody when they grab your property for a strip mall.</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">23 - Suspends Implementation of Air Pollution Control Law (AB 32) Requiring Major Sources of Emissions to Report and Reduce Greenhouse Gas Emissions that Cause Global Warming, Until Unemployment Drops to 5.5 Percent or Less for a Full Year. Initiative Statute</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO (58.1%)</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">Kiss those jobs bye-bye, Young Conservatives. Progressives have once again proven they want everything paid for with non-existent revenue.</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">24 - Repeals a Recent Legislation That Would Allow Businesses to Lower Their Tax Liability. Initiative Statute</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO (60.6%)</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">The news is not all bad. Progressives must have been caught sleeping on this one.,</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">25 - Changes Legislative Vote Requirement to Pass Budget and Budget-Related Legislation From Two-Thirds to a Simple Majority. Retains Two-Thirds Vote Requirement for Taxes. Initiative Constitutional Amendment</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES (53.7%)</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">Hoo, boy. Hopefully Uncle Woody will be able to retire to Utah before they pass their first simple majority budget. After that there won't be any retirement money left in the state. The unions will get it all.</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">26 - Requires That Certain State and Local Fees Be Approved by Two-Thirds Vote. Fees Include Those That Address Adverse Impacts on Society or the Environment Caused by the Fee-Payer's Business. Initiative Constitutional Amendment</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES (55.5%)</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">Fees = Taxes. They finally got it!</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">27 - Eliminates State Commission on Redistricting. Consolidates Authority for Redistricting with Elected Representatives. Initiative Constitutional Amendment and Statute.</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">NO (60.9%)</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">Again, predictable. Uncle Woody further predicts LOTS of belly-aching over the first attempted gerrymander by the Kommission.</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">Anaheim Measure J</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES (62.3%)</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">No real passion or controversy with either of our city measures this time around.</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff">Anaheim Measure K</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">YES (72.9%)</td><td bgcolor="#ffffff">Let's hope we're not proven wrong on this one.</td></tr></tbody></table></div><br />Let's begin, then, with:<br /><br /><b>Proposition 18</b><br /><br />Hah! The joke's on us, Young Conservatives! There IS no "Proposition 18." At some point (August 10, 2010, according to the ever-helpful "Official Voter Information Guide") this proposition was removed by both the Legislature (motto: "Budget?") and the Governor (motto: "Budget?"). Can they even <em>do</em> that, Young Conservatives? Did anyone happen to inform Proposition 18 that it was no longer running for office? Did they let it down gently, or was it (more likely) some soul-less form rejection letter? <blockquote>Dear Proposition 18,<br /><br />We regret to inform you that your services are no longer needed by the State of California. As such, you will be summarily removed from the ballot for the November 2, 2010 General Election...</blockquote>Heartless and cruel, that is.<br /><br />Oh, well. Moving on.<br /><br /><b>Proposition 19 - Legalizes Marijuana Under California But Not Federal Law. Permits Local Governments to Regulate and Tax Commercial Production, Distribution, and Sale of Marijuana. Initiative Statute.</b><br /><br />Apparently, Young Conservatives, whoever came up with the title of this Proposition had already had a toke or two, if you ask Uncle Woody. Not that I have ever toked, Young Conservatives. Although, since Uncle Woody was in high school in the 70's, it's entirely possible that I inhaled without ever knowing it.<br /><br />Anyway, Uncle Woody cannot for the life of him figure out where these initiatives come from. Aliens would be Uncle Woody's guess (the UFO kind, not the illegal ones) (although, by definition, the UFO kind would be here illegally too, right?). We're supposed to believe that legalizing the weed will somehow weaken the drug cartels, for example. Right. Legalizing something that nearly everyone currently living in Berkeley grows in their front yards, for Pete's sake, is really gonna take a huge bite out of those Mexican drug lords' profits.<br /><br />Uncle Woody suspects that the real reasons for this initiative lie in the doped-up title of the Proposition itself: Words like "tax" and "regulate" make this the work of the Democrats, or Uncle Woody is much mistaken.<br /><br />Don't light this one up, Young Conservatives. Bury it. Uncle Woody votes <b>NO</b>.<br /><br /><b>Proposition 20 - Redistricting of Congressional Districts. Initiative Constitutional Amendment</b><br /><br />Oy. This one is silly, Young Conservatives. We voted on Proposition 11 back in the General Election of 2008. Uncle Woody, you may recall, <a href="http://woodyswoundup.blogspot.com/2008/09/curmudgeons-guide-for-young.html">urged a No vote on this Commission</a> but was shouted down by 50.5% of California voters (this happens a lot to Uncle Woody). Now, Proposition 20 appears to try to somehow <em>empower</em> this already-voter-established Commission to actually do the job they were created to perform.<br /><br />Since the Commission itself is nothing but a boondoggle, Uncle Woody could not care less whether they receive any actual "power" to redistrict this state, period. There's no way any resulting redistricting will ever be considered "fair" to anyone but the benefactors of such gerrymandering, so how will this be different from any redistricting done in the past?<br /><br />Uncle Woody is a STRONG <b>NO</b> on this one, Young Conservatives. See my notes on Proposition 27 later.<br /><br /><b>Proposition 21 - Establishes $18 Annual Vehicle License Surcharge to Help Fund State Parks and Wildlife Programs, Grants Surcharged Vehicles Free Admission to All State Parks. Initiative Statute</b><br /><br />Uncle Woody smells Sierra Club somewhere in all this, but I can see why they want this. If there's one thing California does relatively well, it's preserve significant portions of the state in the form of State Parks. We also boast a number of National Parks, along with monuments, and other forms of refuge that are intended to provide us with a protected environment as well as aesthetic enjoyment for years to come.<br /><br />Here's Uncle Woody's beef: Creating the surcharge means everyone who drives a car in California will be paying what amounts to a usage fee for these parks whether they actually use them or not. It's already bad enough that in California we have to pay the State to <em>not drive our junk cars</em> every year, so why should we pay to use parks or facilities that we may not ever use? I personally have been known to go <em>years</em> without ever visiting a State Park.<br /><br />The other part of that beef is that none (read closely, Young Conservatives: <b>NONE</b>) of the promised benefits that have increased our vehicle license fees over the past several years have ever come to pass in this budget-wasteland of a state. I repeat: NONE. So, I stubbornly refuse to believe that any of this $18 "surcharge" (a tax by any other name...) will ever end up benefiting our State Parks.<br /><br />Uncle Woody votes <b>NO</b><br /><br /><b>Proposition 22 - Prohibits the State From Borrowing or Taking Funds Used for Transportation, Redevelopment, or Local Government Projects and Services. Initiative Constitutional Amendment</b><br /><br />Skeptic that I am, Uncle Woody may actually be tempted to vote for this one. Not that I believe it has a snowball's chance of actually preventing politicians from ever robbing their own coffers, but because it should at least be on the books that they're not <em>allowed</em> to. Also, Uncle Woody notes that the primary opposition to this Proposition comes from a union, and Uncle Woody is not feeling any too friendly toward fat-cat union bosses these days. They're part of the reason this country is in this current fiscal nightmare.<br /><br /><s>Uncle Woody breaks with his own protocols and votes <b>YES</b> on Prop 22.</s><br /><br /><span style="color:red;">Uncle Woody has repented, Young Conservatives. After reading an <a href="http://www.ocregister.com/opinion/state-265986-redevelopment-california.html">editorial by the OC Register</a>, Uncle Woody is reminded that "redevelopment" is a euphemism for "land-grabbing by local government because they can't stand the fact that landowners enjoy, you know, <em>owning land</em>." That fact alone kills this proposition in Uncle Woody's mind. Vote <b>NO</b> on Prop 22.</span><br /><br /><b>Proposition 23 - Suspends Implementation of Air Pollution Control Law (AB 32) Requiring Major Sources of Emissions to Report and Reduce Greenhouse Gas Emissions that Cause Global Warming, Until Unemployment Drops to 5.5 Percent or Less for a Full Year. Initiative Statute</b><br /><br />Whew! That's a mouthful, Young Conservatives, and it magnifies one of the biggest problems with our current political environment. In today's political world, Young Conservatives, <em>everything that happens, whether natural or not, has <b>got</b> to be someone's fault</em>! "Global Warming" is one of those catch-all phrases that encompasses everything that's filthy in today's politics. What's that phrase, Young Conservatives? "Lies, damned lies, and statistics!" We have seen report after report debunking the Al Gore-created myth of anthropogenic global warming, and yet the spittle-emitting extremists still insist that we have the power to turn back the earth's natural warming and cooling cycles.<br /><br />Worse, we continually sacrifice jobs on the altar of Global Warming because it makes someone, somewhere, feel better when we do. This proposition appears to take a somewhat more practical tone by suspending crippling legislation that has killed more jobs than any politician cares to admit, and allows us to stay suspended until unemployment drops to 5.5%.<br /><br />Uncle Woody thinks it's worth a try. Uncle Woody votes <b>YES</b> on Prop 23.<br /><br /><b>Proposition 24 - Repeals a Recent Legislation That Would Allow Businesses to Lower Their Tax Liability. Initiative Statute</b><br /><br />See my notes under Proposition 23 above, Young Conservatives. But be careful; where Proposition 23 requires a Yes vote in order to provide relief to California businesses, this Proposition requires a No vote in order to give businesses a necessary break.<br /><br />Hey, Uncle Woody is all for having everyone, businesses included, pay a fair share of taxes to the state of California. But Uncle Woody would like to remind California of a couple of things:<br /><br />1. Businesses are revenue generators for the state. When you cripple them with larger tax burdens, those businesses either <b>fold up or leave the state.</b> Hence you receive <b>no taxes from those businesses</b> for your precious social programs.<br /><br />2. The State of California is apparently incapable of budgeting within their means in any given year, so whether you continue to tax businesses in this manner or not, <b>it won't make a lick of difference to the budget</b>. Speaking of which, <b>how's all that Lotto money working out for our schools</b>?<br /><br />Reason Number One to Vote No on Proposition 24: The California Teachers Association (see: <b>Evil, Personified</b>) wants us to vote Yes.<br /><br />Uncle Woody says we should man up and vote <b>NO</b> on Proposition 24.<br /><br /><b>Proposition 25 - Changes Legislative Vote Requirement to Pass Budget and Budget-Related Legislation From Two-Thirds to a Simple Majority. Retains Two-Thirds Vote Requirement for Taxes. Initiative Constitutional Amendment</b><br /><br />Another waste of tax-payer time, Young Conservatives. Either you pass a budget (i.e., live within your means) or you don't. The move to a simple majority only means that it will be that much harder for Republicans in this state to stop Democrats from spending money they never intend to have on projects that benefit no one but the labor unions of this state.<br /><br />What Uncle Woody would prefer to see is to give the Governor line-item veto authority over the budget. Uncle Woody realizes that this can be a dual-edged sword, but when the Legislature hands you a crock of a budget, you need the ability to cross things out.<br /><br />Uncle Woody votes <b>NO</b> on Proposition 25.<br /><br /><b>Proposition 26 - Requires That Certain State and Local Fees Be Approved by Two-Thirds Vote. Fees Include Those That Address Adverse Impacts on Society or the Environment Caused by the Fee-Payer's Business. Initiative Constitutional Amendment</b><br /><br />Sigh.<br /><br />Uncle Woody sometimes wonders what our legislators are smoking, up there in Sacramento. There are numerous reasons why this state is one of the (if not THE) most expensive states for cost of living in the country. Uncle Woody has already determined that he will not be retiring in this state because he simply will not be able to afford it. And while there is much about California that he would miss, Uncle Woody can always visit (at $18 per State Park, it's a bargain, right?).<br /><br />That said, Uncle Woody somehow instinctively knows that if California is ever to survive and not turn into the largest hippie commune in the country, it needs to find ways to <em>encourage</em> businesses to not only stay in this state, but find a way to help them make a profit as well. This is the sort of thing that encourages businesses to hire people to work for them, as opposed to laying them off and sending their work to other business-friendly states like Texas or Utah.<br /><br />Uncle Woody therefore likes the idea of making it harder for our insatiable state legislators to continually burden our businesses with fees and other charges that make it impossible for them to maintain healthy staffing levels and provide benefits for them.<br /><br />Uncle Woody votes <b>YES</b> on Proposition 26.<br /><br /><b>Proposition 27 - Eliminates State Commission on Redistricting. Consolidates Authority for Redistricting with Elected Representatives. Initiative Constitutional Amendment and Statute.</b><br /><br />If you were reading my notes under Proposition 20, Young Conservatives, then you can probably guess that Uncle Woody would not mind having you vote Yes on this one. Uncle Woody did not like the idea of a Commission back in 2008, Young Conservatives, for one primary reason: They never work. Really. When was the last time, Young Conservatives, you ever heard the Public Utilities Commission do something <em>useful</em>? Me, neither.<br /><br />Commissions have a way of becoming entrenched, in Uncle Woody's experience. Entrenched is not a good word, Young Conservatives. It's one of the contributors to the Entitlement Culture that has created a strangle-hold on our economy in the past several years. The more entrenched a commission becomes, the less likely they are to ever represent you or anyone related to you on any issue.<br /><br />Uncle Woody urges a <b>YES</b> vote on Prop 27, Young Conservatives, even though he suspects it'll never happen.<br /><br /><b>Uncle Woody's Recommendations on Candidates</b><br /><br />Normally, Young Conservatives, Uncle Woody simply tells you to vote your consciences and pray for the best. However, there are a few candidates that Uncle Woody feels a need to pontificate about, whether Uncle Woody knows what he's talking about or not.<br /><br /><b>Governor</b><br /><br />It is with heavy heart that Uncle Woody endorses <b>Meg Whitman</b> for Governor. The reason is simple: Voting for Whitman is the only viable way to keep Jerry Brown out of the Governor's office. Voting for any other candidate, even if that candidate is Mickey Mouse and would probably do a better job than the last three governors put together, is effectively a vote for Jerry Brown. There's a reason, Young Conservatives, why we called Jerry Brown "Governor Moonbeam" back in the day. He was living with Linda Ronstadt, for crying out loud. We also called him "Governor Med Fly" or "Governor Malathion" because of continual fruit fly infestations in this state which resulted in frequent Malathion rain, generally without notice. Anyway, if anyone remembers far enough back to include Brown's administration in Sacramento, they MUST VOTE FOR WHITMAN AT ALL COSTS. Not because she's any sort of true conservative — in many ways I fear she'll be even more <s>moderate</s> liberal than Schwarzenegger — but at her absolute worst she still has to be better than Jerry Brown.<br /><br />If that's damning with faint praise, it's the best I can do.<br /><br /><b>Lt. Governor</b><br /><br />I really don't care who you vote for in this case, Young Conservatives. Just don't vote for <a href="http://woodyswoundup.blogspot.com/2009/02/infamy-of-abel-maldonado.html">Abel Maldonado</a>. He has betrayed the conservative wing of the Republican party far too many times to be given any serious consideration for any elected job, <em>including</em> dog catcher. Heck, vote for the Libertarian, if it makes you feel good. The Lt. Governor of California is perhaps the only job even more ceremonial than Vice President of the United States.<br /><br /><b>United States Senator</b><br /><br />Another move on the chess board, Young Conservatives. Go out and vote for <b>Carly Fiorina</b>. As with Whitman, there is much about Fiorina that I don't trust, but I trust Boxer far, far less. If we have any hope to break the liberal gridlock from California, it's Fiorina.<br /><br /><b>Everyone Else</b><br /><br />Now Uncle Woody is ready to tell you Young Conservatives to go vote your conscience. Vote Republican if it makes you feel good, or pick and choose. Damon Dunn is running for Secretary of State and has the delusion that if he grills the businesses that are packing up and leaving, he'll be able to tell the Legislature why they're leaving and the Legislature will then fix the problem. Not sure what the weather is like on Mr. Dunn's home planet, but if he believes that, then okay.<br /><br />I can't say much about Steve Cooley for Attorney General, primarily because he wasn't all that visible while serving as DA for Los Angeles. He'd surface every few months whenever a high-visibility crime was being prosecuted, then retreat into his office to hibernate until the next press conference.<br /><br />Mike Villines figures he'll protect consumers and crack down on fraud as Insurance Commissioner. I've got news for Mr. Villines: he'll be so busy trying to figure out why insurance companies are going out of business because of Obamacare, that his first fraud case will probably not cross his desk until three years after he's voted out of office. He'll be spending most of his time trying to dodge questions about how he (Villines) could possibly let the insurance companies go bankrupt when Obama <em>promised</em> us that we'd all have free health care for life!<br /><br /><span style="color:red;"><b>Additional Notes, Including Local Issues for Orange County and Anaheim</b></span><br /><br />Rather than paint this entire section red, just consider this to be one of the amendments to the Guide, okay Young Conservatives?<br /><br />Okay.<br /><br /><b>Propositions 20 and 27</b><br /><br />Uncle Woody knows he's swimming upstream here, and doesn't care. I don't like the idea of a Commission for redistricting that <em>we can't vote on</em>. Period. Just because they consist of members representing all viable political parties in this state, there is NO GUARANTEE THAT THEY'LL REPRESENT MY OWN INTERESTS IN THIS PROCESS. And no one can ever guarantee that to my satisfaction. This is politics at its absolute worst, Young Conservatives, and I refuse to trust any commission, no matter how well intentioned, any more than I trust any given incumbent politician today. [/RANT]<br /><br /><b>City of Anaheim Measures</b><br /><br />Measure J allows the use of design-build procurement for public works projects that support the city. Not a problem for Uncle Woody: this is just an acknowledgment that the rules of procurement can evolve over time as new methods for accomplishing things in a more efficient manner are discovered. Uncle Woody votes <b>YES</b> on Measure J.<br /><br />Measure K wants to prohibit ever allowing the city to install a red-light camera at any time. Uncle Woody is of two minds on this issue, my young friends. On the one hand, red-light cameras are more an invasion of privacy and smack of "big brotherism" than I believe they're worth. Also, many, many people have made the point that the business case for red-light cameras actually saving lives has never been made. Agreed.<br /><br />My only hesitation is that there may one day be a case where it can be absolutely proven that not doing everything possible, <em>including</em> installing such a camera at a given intersection, would be irresponsible if it has any chance at all of preventing traffic fatalities.<br /><br />After some vacillation, however, Uncle Woody must agree with the majority here. Traffic cameras are unproven deterrents. Uncle Woody votes <b>YES</b> on Measure K.<br /><br /><b>Batting Clean-Up</b><br /><br />If you're at all interested or care in any way, here's a run-down on how Uncle Woody plans to vote for candidates not mentioned elsewhere:<br /><br />Lt. Governor: Uncle Woody is making good on his threat to vote for the Libertarian in this race, Pamela J Brown. I cannot and will not pull the lever for Maldonado.<br /><br />Secretary of State: Damon Dunn. Yeah, he's deluded, but he means well.<br /><br />Controller: Tony Strickland. I'm a big fan.<br /><br />Treasurer (State): Mimi Walters<br /><br />Attorney General: Steve Cooley<br /><br />Insurance Commissioner: Mike Villines. Do these people <em>ever</em> understand what they're getting themselves into?<br /><br />State Board of Equalization - 3rd District: Michelle Steel<br /><br />US Representative, 42nd District: Gary Miller<br /><br />State Assembly, 60th District: Curt Hagman<br /><br />Judicial: I'm only voting one name down in this entire list, and that's Carlos Moreno. Nothing personal against the man, really, except that he espouses some opinions with which I happen to disagree. I have no idea if the man is a good judge or not.<br /><br />Superintendent of Public Instruction: Larry Aceves. You might think that Uncle Woody, being a homeschooler, could not possibly care less about who helms the education department of the state. You couldn't be more incorrect. Homeschoolers have everything to lose if the wrong person makes it to this office. The real problem with our two choices is that neither candidate, Aceves or Torlakson, would go on the record as to where they stand on homeschooling as a right of the parent. So, in this case, the absence of such statements makes me at least hopeful that whoever wins will, as others have done before them, pretty much ignore homeschooling in the state of California for the next term. It's the best we can hope for. In voting for Aceves I am only acknowledging that, were my kids in public school, he more closely mirrors my own vision for school reform and accountability.<br /><br />North Orange County Community College District:<br />Barbara Dunsheath (Area 2)<br />Jeffrey P. Brown (Area 3)<br />Darlene Allen (Area 4)<br /><br />Placentia-Yorba Linda Unified School District:<br />Karin M. Freeman (Full Term)<br />Kim Palmer (Full Term)<br />Susan M. Eckles (Short Term)<br /><br />Treasurer-Tax Collector (Orange County): Shari L. Freidenrich<br /><br />City of Anaheim - Mayor: Tom Tait<br />City of Anaheim - City Council:<br />Gail Eastman<br />Kris Murray<br /><br /><span style="color:red;"><b>End of Amended Post</b></span><br /><br />Good luck, Young Conservatives! Our future is in your capable hands. Uncle Woody will be in Utah, if you need him.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-56572816287573754332010-10-06T09:47:00.000-07:002010-10-06T09:51:59.846-07:00Come and Get Me, JoeHey, Mr. Vice President! Your federal budget stinks and you guys have no idea how to fix it. <a href="http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/10/06/biden-says-hell-strangle-republicans/?test=latestnews">Whatcha gonna do about it</a>? (H/T: Drudge)<br /><br />Money quote:<blockquote>He quickly added: "To the press, that's a figure of speech."</blockquote>Uh, huh. <br /><br />Well, as one of the VP's potential targets, all I can say is you'd better bring your cast-iron underwear, Joe. Hair plugs will not save you in 2012.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-10492445838413068912010-09-27T08:49:00.000-07:002010-09-27T08:58:48.687-07:00Beaming Up the United NationsI wish I could say I made this up, <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/space/8025832/UN-to-appoint-space-ambassador-to-greet-alien-visitors.html">but I can't</a>.<br /><br />It's one of those stories where the mockery almost writes itself.<br /><br />The United Nations, having finally solved their last remaining problem now that we've elected an Apologizer-in-Chief in the United States, has created the "Office for Outer Space Affairs" or "Unoosa." (Yes, yes, I know... sounds a bit like "unusable," doesn't it?)<br /><br />Scarier still, they've actually appointed an ambassador to fill this office; a woman by the name of Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist. I'm not implying that Ms. Othman is scary, mind you, but rather that it scares me that the UN would 1.) create such an office, and 2.) staff it.<br /><br />Being an inveterate consumer of pulp science fiction movies like "E.T.," or "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," this announcement brings up all sorts of wonderful possibilities.<br /><br />First, there's the rather obvious problem of communication. In "Close Encounters," the aliens left extremely helpful hints about how best to communicate with them when the inferior earthlings had finally gotten a clue. This enabled the eggheads (we were never certain whether they were UN eggheads or just US military eggheads in the film) to build a super-computer capable of carrying on an intense conversation that no one, including the eggheads that designed the thing, were able to understand.<br /><br />I think Ms. Othman's best bet in the absence of such a super-computer would be the <a href="http://www.movies-dictionary.org/English-to-Klingon-Dictionary/">online Klingon dictionary</a>:<blockquote>[Othman, while making the Vulcan sign that Kirk could never master]: "nuqneH!" ("What do you want?")<br /><br />[Aliens, with puzzled expressions on their faces]:<br /><br />[Othman, undeterred]: "Hutlh may'ron!" ("Have an accordion!")<br /><br />[Alien 1 speaking to Alien 2 with a British accent]: I say, Sheldon, you were right. They don't quite seem to have mastered the art of communication yet.</blockquote>Of course, there's always the <s>hope</s> thought that the aliens would simply take out whatever highly advanced weaponry they've brought along with them and blast the entire delegation into another dimension.<br /><br />Then, of course, Ms. Othman would need to familiarize the visitors with the rules and regulations of the United Nations:<blockquote>[Othman]: So the Security Council can vote to censure any member nation, but only one dissenting vote is sufficient to veto any such action. This has been particularly useful in denying the United States anything but an occasional attack on peace-loving nations run entirely by psychotic ego-maniacs. China continues to do pretty much whatever it likes, and the rest of us sit around and think up ways to blame mankind for every natural disaster that the planet experiences. Also we get diplomatic immunity in the United States so we can all keep our illegal drugs flowing through their country without fear of reprisal.<br /><br />[Alien 2, slapping Alien 1 on the back of the head]: "We don't <em>need</em> the Universal Positioning System on this trip," you said! "If there's intelligent life in this galaxy, I'll <em>find</em> it," you said! This is absolutely the last time I let you get away with that sort of nonsense, Griswold.</blockquote>So I'm certain that Ms. Othman has her work cut out for her. We desperately need, after all, to make a good first impression. She'll be kept plenty busy developing the precise protocols needed in establishing that all-important first contact. It's unclear at this point, of course, whether bowing would be part of that ceremony, but I'm sure Obama could give her some tips.<br /><br />Still, as I once read on a coffee mug: The surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is that none of it has ever tried to contact us.<br /><br />'Iq Ha'DIbaHWoodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-53572370855273076732010-09-11T20:57:00.000-07:002010-09-11T21:04:00.297-07:00To Profile, Or Not...I keep my 9/11 remembrances pretty much to myself. The images and feelings are still there, deep in my memory, to be recalled on certain occasions. It's not just an anniversary thing, this horrific event. No more than Pearl Harbor was merely December 7 to our parents and grandparents. It was a life-changing thing, and it has shaped my perspective on life — and the tenuous nature of life — forever. I don't need September 11 to roll around every year in order to remember what it meant, and means, to me.<br /><br />But thinking about it a little extra today did shunt my mental engine off onto a spur, if you will. I found myself pondering the idea of profiling, and how this nation can possibly believe that profiling is some great evil that creates targets where none exist.<br /><br />Truth to tell, this train of thought began not so much because of 9/11, but rather because my youngest daughter has been watching Disney's "Peter Pan" the past couple of days. It's one of my favorites from Disney's Golden Age. Good story; terrific animation; well written and directed. But it would never play in today's politically correct universe. In fact, when the studio finally wrote a follow-up to the original and decided to use Wendy's daughter Jane, they brought back nearly all the denizens of Never Land except for the Indians. That disappointed me, even if I understood why they couldn't. In today's world of hyper-sensitivity to all things diverse, any attempted caricature of an indigenous culture would bring down the wrath of every tribal council, race-mongering hypocrite, and civil rights grievance group you could possibly imagine.<br /><br />Likewise, Disney's "Song of the South," which has some wonderful music to accompany the delightful animations that featured Br'er Rabbit and the rest, will likely never again see the light of day. Not even as a special release from "the Vault." Too demeaning of black culture, that one is.<br /><br />Folks have tried to tell me that I couldn't possibly know what it means to be profiled. To be denied the life I want merely because of the color of my skin. Yet I am profiled nearly every day in some way, shape, or fashion, by numerous people who feel that my own white skin has somehow magically entitled me to a life of carefree self-indulgence.<br /><br />The sad truth is that this perception is a fallacy. At work they hold me back; not because I'm white but because I do not hold a college degree. It is the last bastion of prejudice to which Corporate America can cling today without incurring the wrath of Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton. While many around me have taken the plunge late in life to return to school and get that diploma, circumstances in my life have precluded my doing the same. For these circumstances I am not bitter. Life is what it is, and I made choices many years ago that I was, and still am, willing to live with. However, that does not stop my incredulity at the idea that my lack of a degree makes me in any way less valuable to the company than many of the educated <s>idiots</s> people that leapfrog over guys like me to enter the ranks of management.<br /><br />There are similar prejudices at play in my choice of religion. If I were still tweeting (gave it up as a worthless hobby), I would tweet something to the effect that "Islam may very well be the second most misunderstood religion in the world today." Every day I read analysis after analysis and report after report that all claim to understand completely what Islam must mean to every one of its followers. Yet I can't shake the feeling that all their analyses may only apply to a relatively small percentage of its adherents. Most believers and followers of Islam would likely love to be left completely alone and wish never to bother anyone else, yet because of the actions of the demonic few, we paint them all with the same wide brush.<br /><br />If my own religion weren't even more misunderstood than Islam, I'd probably feel sorrier for them. (If I tell you that I am a Latter-day Saint, does that answer the question of which religion is more misunderstood?) We may be at war with Islamic nations, but not because they adhere to Islam. (That may be why they are at war with us, but that's beside the point I'm making here.) Yet this country drove my ancestors out of the country <em>because of their religious beliefs</em> and were never adverse to slaughtering us for refusing to renounce our prophet. Even those "enemy combatants" at Gitmo have never been asked to renounce Islam.<br /><br />So, yes, I understand a thing or two about profiling. True, anyone who profiles me is not likely to deport me. I have nowhere to go. I was born here, can prove it, and besides, England wouldn't know what to do with a conservative like me. They'd kick me back across the pond faster than they can down a pint of Guinness'. But have I been "denied" things because of who I am or choices that I have made? Most certainly.<br /><br />The way I see it, kids who wear gang colors and pants that hang down around their ankles are literally flashing a giant marquee on Times Square that says "PROFILE ME." Want to live in this country but refuse to learn English? I reserve the right to believe that you might not belong here legally. In other words, I profile. It happens every day.<br /><br />Interestingly enough, there is a relatively new market next door. "Wholesome Choice" it calls itself. It features exotic foods that you are less likely to find at your local supermarket from parts of the world that you are even less likely to have visited. Spices, sauces, even certain fruits and vegetables, all from middle eastern or southeast asian cultures. I have shopped there on occasion and found everyone who works there to be very pleasant people. If I despise the store for any reason, it is because they are so busy that I have difficulty finding a parking space anywhere within half a city block of my barber shop. Or Baskin-Robbins. Otherwise, I have no problem with the store or its employees. Likewise, because I happen to speak (some) Spanish, I am conversant with many Latinos who live and work nearby. Fine people, all. If I have profiled them, at least I choose to keep it to myself. <br /><br />But can I stop profiling them? Not likely.<br /><br />The day I stop is perhaps the very day that I see someone who should have attracted my attention. Someone who may try to cause the next life-changing event in this country. And for that reason alone I cannot, and will not, stop profiling.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-84645077908941380922010-09-06T14:19:00.000-07:002010-09-06T14:40:15.408-07:00Trying to Buy an ElectionElections aren't cheap, even with our current down-valued economy. Heck; unlike thirty years ago or so, your election dollar just doesn't stretch as far as it used to.<br /><br />Part of the problem is that we're not manufacturing dollars anywhere near fast enough to fund all these stimulus packages that President Obama is so convinced are the only way to put America back to work.<br /><br />Now, even though President Obama is not up for election himself this fall, plenty of his enablers in Congress are. Unfortunately for the President, the price tag for re-electing these enablers has skyrocketed in direct proportion to the precipitous drop in value of our current money supply.<br /><br />Having already committed to spending $896 billion for a stimulus package that itself seems to be in desperate need of Viagra™, the President is running out of options. He needs a sure-fire way to convince Americans this November that Democrats hold the answer ("spend more money that we don't have!") to all of our economic woes.<br /><br />His answer:<br /><br /><a href="http://apnews.myway.com/article/20100906/D9I2DUV01.html">SPEND MORE MONEY THAT WE DON'T HAVE</a>.<br /><br />The President's advisors ("Spending Your Money So You Don't Get To") have come up with a brilliant plan to plug up existing tax breaks for oil, gas, and multinational corporations to the completely made-up tune of $50 billion in order to pay for a huge upgrade to existing infrastructure projects. Things like rail lines, runways, and highways will magically — a la historical Works Project Administration boondoggles — <em>create jobs</em>. Which, if memory serves, was what the original $896 billion stimulus was supposed to do.<br /><br />Where are we at now? 9.6% unemployment? If my own company is any sort of bellwether, we're not out of the woods yet. Not by a long shot. Every internal communication in the last several months has said something to the effect that "we can't possibly predict when this economy will improve to the point where we can quit laying people off, let alone start hiring again."<br /><br />The President, as always, urges patience on the part of those of us who are either laid off, about to be laid off, or struggling to keep up with all the work that still must be done in the absence of our laid off colleagues. Stimulating the economy is never an overnight thing, he cautions. Hey, once Congress actually gets around to reading the Health Care package they ramrodded down our collective throats last year, they may have to further modify their projections to include all the doctors and nurses that will be out of work because no one will be able to afford them without incurring huge penalties.<br /><br />But I think the President has a plan for that, too. Here's how Hilda Solis described this latest $50 billion gravy train:<blockquote>In a Labor Day interview on CBS'"Early Show," Labor Secretary Hilda Solis said the plan Obama was to unveil Monday would "put construction workers, welders, electricians back to work ... folks that have been unemployed for a long time."</blockquote>I know this plan. Many companies are adopting a similar scheme wherein workers agree (on pain of extermination) to <em>not</em> work for one or more days every month. "Work furlough days," I believe they're called. The idea being that if you don't work that day, the company doesn't pay you for that day and saves an undetermined amount of money for their bravery. <br /><br />Well, according to Solis, the idea here would be a twist on the work furlough idea: Take the people who have been out of work the longest — in this case, electricians, construction workers, and the like, who are all, in an incredible coincidence, union workers — and put them back to work with this freshly inked money. At the same time, give those workers who have been struggling vainly to keep everyone else's unemployment benefits afloat a chance to enjoy the fruits of their labors by having <em>them</em> take the unemployment money for awhile. Certainly Obama and his congressional enablers will just keep those benefits recharged <em>ad infinitum</em> for the next several years. This way, instead of taking a day off without pay here and there, we'll have American workers take entire <em>years</em> off without pay, and nothing but unemployment benefits to tide them over until the economy gets tired of all the stimulus being thrown at it, and decides to wake up on its own.<br /><br />There you have it. Well worth the $50 billion, I'm sure, and the President won't waste any time selling it to a war-weary populace.<br /><br />But will it buy him an election? Time will tell.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-55263636594732483792010-08-08T00:29:00.000-07:002010-08-08T00:37:28.673-07:00Another Milestone!During what we now grandly call my "starter marriage," we wore our then-teenage daughter completely out. She had come into the family with an already one-year-old brother, and two more foster brothers almost literally around the corner. As she matured we started giving her more and more opportunities to babysit until, finally, she was literally our on-call sitter. If Mom and Dad decided they needed to go somewhere, we just took it for granted that our daughter was ready to step in and watch the kids.<br /><br />Flash forward about fifteen years, and we're finally in a position once again to have a teenager available to babysit for Mom and Dad for an occasional short date or shopping trip. Jelly stepped up to the plate this week for the first time so that Mrs. Woody and I could go to the movies and see "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." (Not bad. Completely predictable but nicely done. A few nods to the Fantasia version of the story here and there.)<br /><br />Upon returning home we were delighted to note that a) the house had not burned to the ground, and b) the kids were still speaking to each other. This becomes treacherous ground as the older sibling takes on more responsibility and walks that strait path between being a helpful junior home exec on the one hand, and a tyrant-in-training on the other.<br /><br />Back in the day, yours truly held no delusions about being a helpful anything where his siblings were concerned. I was a full-fledged tyrant until about the time baby sister appeared on the scene. She was the first one who would benefit from my new, more mellow approach to life. Whereas with my other siblings, and particularly my brother, I would simply handle any conflict with a balled-up fist, at least with the baby I was more likely to put it through some cheap paneling on the wall.<br /><br />Jelly, on the other hand, has inherited more of her mother's genes than mine. At least where older-sibling issues are concerned she has, and that's a good thing. It means that, while they occasionally still get into it like a couple of sparring cats, for the most part they handle their own conflicts in a far more diplomatic way than I ever did at that age.<br /><br />It's another one of those milestones that remind parents just how fast their kids grow up. I'd say it's not fair, but, heck, I've been waiting for this day for quite awhile now. About thirteen years, in fact. Cute as she was from the moment she was born, my fatherly instinct to have ready-to-order babysitters in the house kicked in at about the third diaper I changed. When Doodle came along, that instinct intensified. Now that moment has arrived, and I like it. I like the idea that we can leave our daughters alone for limited amounts of time while Mommy and Daddy have some adult time together. Alone.<br /><br />There is, of course, the bittersweet angle as well. The girls are growing, as I've mentioned before, far too quickly. Our phone answering message still has a five-year-old Jelly's voice announcing, "We can't answer the phone right now. Please leave us a mes... sage." That hesitation in "mes... sage" is vintage Jelly, and it's far too cute to ever discard willingly. Now she's the secretary for her Beehive class and actually uses the phone more than her telecomm-challenged father. Likewise Doodle, who is nearly 11, is not truly in need of a babysitter at this point. She looks after herself just fine, and in another era would likely have been left alone by her parents as I frequently was at that age.<br /><br />As a parent, however, I worry. Worry is part of the Master Plan, isn't it? I worry for my kids as my parents worried for me, and their parents worried for them. There's always something. It might be whispers and then shouts of war. It might be drugs and radical culture. It may be that predators abound that lure innocent children into worse-than-death experiences. Whatever the cause, the worry is essentially the same: how can I ever hope to keep my babies safe? What can I, as a parent, do that would ensure they live a long and prosperous life?<br /><br />The answer is that we continue to do what we have been doing to prepare them for life. Keep praying. Keep talking. Keep understanding. Keep it up. <br /><br />Lather, rinse, repeat.<br /><br />Jelly's working up a pretty good head of lather these days. Here's to many more repeats.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-12570266107249670392010-07-06T10:47:00.000-07:002010-07-06T10:48:38.679-07:00Attention Hypocrites San Francisco and Los AngelesLooking for a state to boycott? May want to look a little closer to <a href="http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/waisgate?WAISdocID=43785629138+7+0+0&WAISaction=retrieve">home</a>:<blockquote>834b. (a) Every law enforcement agency in California shall fully<br />cooperate with the United States Immigration and Naturalization<br />Service regarding any person who is arrested if he or she is<br />suspected of being present in the United States in violation of<br />federal immigration laws.<br /> (b) With respect to any such person who is arrested, and suspected<br />of being present in the United States in violation of federal<br />immigration laws, every law enforcement agency shall do the<br />following:<br /> (1) Attempt to verify the legal status of such person as a citizen<br />of the United States, an alien lawfully admitted as a permanent<br />resident, an alien lawfully admitted for a temporary period of time<br />or as an alien who is present in the United States in violation of<br />immigration laws. The verification process may include, but shall not<br />be limited to, questioning the person regarding his or her date and<br />place of birth, and entry into the United States, and demanding<br />documentation to indicate his or her legal status.<br /> (2) Notify the person of his or her apparent status as an alien<br />who is present in the United States in violation of federal<br />immigration laws and inform him or her that, apart from any criminal<br />justice proceedings, he or she must either obtain legal status or<br />leave the United States.<br /> (3) Notify the Attorney General of California and the United<br />States Immigration and Naturalization Service of the apparent illegal<br />status and provide any additional information that may be requested<br />by any other public entity.<br /> (c) Any legislative, administrative, or other action by a city,<br />county, or other legally authorized local governmental entity with<br />jurisdictional boundaries, or by a law enforcement agency, to prevent<br />or limit the cooperation required by subdivision (a) is expressly<br />prohibited.</blockquote>The key, of course, is the state Attorney General who doggedly refuses to enforce California law. Or, more accurately, enforces only those laws he supports. The rest of the Penal Code, being highly inconvenient to his viewpoint, is blithely ignored.<br /><br />San Francisco, in particular, would have a huge problem with this law as it directly interferes with their standing policy of offering sanctuary to dangerous alien felons. Oh, well. It's not like they support our state constitution, either.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-38479897496702835552010-07-05T21:30:00.000-07:002010-07-05T21:32:01.018-07:00When Single Women Ask Me......if I have a brother, I say, quote, "<a href="http://culturalrumbles.wordpress.com/2010/07/05/your-thought-for-the-day/">No</a>."Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7384087.post-72157124717209496202010-07-05T12:15:00.000-07:002010-07-05T12:22:57.506-07:00Thoughts From the FourthI've been fighting a blazing head cold all weekend, which scuttled our travel plans and made it hard to truly enjoy the real spirit of this holiday. But watching the vicarious celebrations hosted on CBS and NBC last night helped bring a few thoughts into focus.<br /><br />First, <em>who were these people</em>?? I recognized (nor cared about) not one single "celebrity" that performed on the CBS Macy's celebration. Not one. They do this to me with the Thanksgiving Day Parade, too. In fact, the only recognizable part of the entire hour was during the fireworks when I could at least identify the composers and, for two songs, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.<br /><br />Next came the Boston Pops celebration on the Esplanade. Now, follow me here: The event is sponsored by the Pops, right? So you would expect to hear a lot of music performed by the Pops, right? So how is it that we get injected into the <em>middle</em> of the 1812 Overture when the show begins (waiting until just about the time the guns are fired off across the river)? Then we get to listen to them provide backup for Toby Keith for a couple of songs, plus the sing-along.<br /><br />Big whoop-dee-do.<br /><br />Even funnier: with an orchestra sitting <em>right there</em> in the amphitheater, they have to use a soundtrack during the fireworks. Television at its laziest.<br /><br />Oh, well... I don't much like Keith Lockhart anyway.<br /><br />At least they had Craig Ferguson to host this one. Recent attempts to highlight certain celebs have proven to be downright painful. Dr. and Mrs. Phil, for example. That was an embarrassing nightmare. The word "vapid" just kept scrolling across my mind all night like a Times Square marquee with only one message.<br /><br />Compare and contrast with our local community Patriotic Concert that was held last weekend. We do this every year. There's a town council, of sorts, that sponsors several events every year for the 4th. The Patriotic Concert is our kick-off event. We throw together a small (but mighty!) choir from the community to perform between 30 to 45 minutes' worth of patriotic tunes. The highlight is our Salute to the Armed Forces, which takes us through the hymns for all five services (don't forget the Coasties!), and gives us a chance to clap and whistle for the folks who stand to be recognized during the song. We have a color guard composed of either local Marines or Boy Scouts, depending on who's available. We also get to sit and listen to several speeches from the committee. These range from begging for more funds so we don't have to cancel events (last year it was nearly the fireworks; this year the parade got deep-sixed) to presenting our senior Mr. and Mrs. Anaheim Hills and our citizen of the year. Scholarships are handed out. And we get introduced to the current Miss Anaheim Hills, who has been practicing the Rose Queen Wave. Finally, a speech from our representative on the Anaheim City Council, Bob Hernandez, who never fails to give us a terrific speech (in both substance and length of time) reminding us all that this country is a gift of providence, and we need to keep ourselves grounded in religious principles if we are to succeed as a nation.<br /><br />We follow all this with a good old fashioned Ice Cream Social so we have a chance to rub elbows with members of the community.<br /><br />Being of a more-or-less old fashioned bent myself, I much prefer our local celebrations to the national ones.<br /><br />It's funny, really. It seems to be easier to feel patriotism at the local level than it might be at the national level. I suspect it's at least in part because we feel more connected to our community than we do the nation as a whole. Is there anything I can really do about the rest of the nation directly? Not generally. But I can make a difference here locally by participating and striving to make it a good place to live. That's all that's really required of us who claim citizenship in the United States.<br /><br />Some of us, of course, have gifts for participating at higher levels. Those who feel they can will try to make a difference at a county, state, or national level. (As an aside, I did get one chuckle this weekend: One pundit in Great Britain, writing for the Globe, I think, and having solved all their own problems, wondered what in heck we were doing over here with such a "gifted" president. His word, not mine. We seem as a nation to be wasting the poor chap, according to this writer. My advice for him would be: look to the source of the trouble. It wasn't G. W. Bush.)<br /><br />One thing I've noticed over the past several years: perhaps it's really been the result of my blogging for the past six years or so, but I've noticed that "patriotism" as a concept is getting more of a bum rap than it used to. There are many people throughout this country, it seems, who really can't stand those who feel a sense of patriotism for this nation. They even claim to be offended by something as simple as the Pledge of Allegiance, as if we were asking them to indenture themselves to some terrible tyrant, rather than remind themselves of the very principles of freedom that allow them to think and act for themselves as no other nation on earth will allow.<br /><br />These are people who, I believe, confuse patriotism with politics, and can't see past the abuses or excesses of any given administration, thus allowing themselves to feel embarrassed or ashamed to be an American.<br /><br />I don't know about them, but my patriotism is not constrained by my feelings about the evils of the current administration.<br /><br />The 4th of July is, for me, a nearly sacred holiday. If Christmas is sacred because it celebrates the birth of the Son of God, July 4th is sacred to me because it celebrates the birth of a nation conceived by men who understood that God's law, to which they referred as natural law, should be our ultimate authority. It is God's law alone that can truly liberate a people. The Founders understood this, and those who have been great leaders in this country through the ensuing years have also understood this principle. When our leaders are righteous, the nation prospers. When our leaders are self-absorbed demigods, we suffer accordingly. The correlation is fairly striking.<br /><br />Patriotism is not truly dying in this country. It may be taking a beating. It may even have become a hiss and a byword among certain sectors of society. Yet it will live on so long as those of us who still remember the higher purposes of this republic refuse to let it go.<br /><br />God bless this land.Woodyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653505613576331635noreply@blogger.com0