Monday, January 09, 2006

#223 - Literarily Kennedy

(H/T: Michelle Malkin)

Now this sounds like a wonderful idea. The Right-Reverend, Esteemed, and Honorable Senator Edward Somethingorother Kennedy (D - Chappaquiddick) is now the alleged author of a new children's book. The book, entitled "My Senator and Me: A Dog's-Eye View of Washington, D.C." will be released this May in what I'm sure he hopes will be a media frenzy of the Potter variety. I'm guessing he envisions himself being invited to the DC Press Club for a riveting reading of his magnum opus.

According to the press release issued by Scholastic, Inc., the book takes its readers through a day in the life of the Senator, presumably from the dog's perspective. It even "explains how a bill becomes a law." As if Kennedy would know about that.

In what must be a Woundup first, we have exclusive excerpts from the original manuscript. Portions of this manuscript lead us to believe the Senator's dog, "Splash" (how utterly appropo!) was the true author, and that the Senator merely engaged him for ghost-writing purposes. There was a definite "air" surrounding this manuscript, if you get our drift. Excerpts follow:
What a day! It's only 12:30 in the afternoon, but Master is finally awake and ready for his first martini. Perhaps if I'm a good doggie, he'll save some for me!


Master's chauffeur called in sick again today. The man driving us to the Capitol today didn't understand what Master meant by "the usual detour, please," and tied Master up on DuPont Circle for two hours. If we don't hurry, Master won't be able to read his speech about why someone named "Alioto" isn't suitable for something called the "Supreme Court." I don't know anything about that, but if we're stuck in this limo for much longer, Master will need a very expensive shoe shine when we get there.


Master is talking to other humans with gray hair and suits that always remind me of fire hydrants. Hey, I'm a dog. Everything reminds me of a fire hydrant!


Finally! Master is working very hard to get a bill passed in the Senate. This morning he said some very bad words about not having had a good session of Congress lately. Something about a bush. I know what to do with a bush! Perhaps I can help Master!


Master just had a meeting with someone who passed Master a lot of greenish paper. Master said something about "helping democracy," which usually means we will be visiting Master's bank again soon.

As I say, this is a Woundup Exclusive. I have no doubt that you, like me, are anxious to see the rest of this significant contribution to children's literature. I'm sure Peabody nominations will follow.

I'm equally certain my kids will be too busy reading the Constitution to care what Kennedy thinks about it. Or his dog, for that matter.

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