Sunday, February 25, 2007

Miracle (or Knot)

For a church that proclaims to have the restored Gospel on the earth, we seem to have an appalling lack of verifiable miracles to which the media and frenzied fanatics might flock, were they so inclined. I know you understand what I'm talking about. Where in the Latter-day Saint culture do we find things on par with the Shroud of Turin, or Fatima, or even the Miracle Virgin Mary Image in the Grilled Cheese Sandwich?

Well, this isn't to say that modern Saints haven't experienced any of these things. When you think about it, only fragments of the papyrii are still around today. And what about the miracle of Brigham Young transfiguring into the voice and image of Joseph Smith shortly following the martydom? I am equally certain that Latter-day Saints have had any number of visitations over the many decades since the church was organized in 1830, but they tend to remain in the realm of anecdotal evidences rather than over-hyped phenomena such as we hear about today in other religions.

So either the church wishes to keep such things quiet and let these miracles serve to strengthen faith as simple testimonies of the living Gospel, or we simply suffer from lousy P. R.

But I think I've found a way to compensate for the church's apparent lack of zing in these Last Days. What we need is something that could be viewed as a miracle and still be marketable. Something that one might even sell on eBay for a ludicrous amount of money (defined as "more than twenty-five cents") and give its owner his rightful fifteen minutes of fame.

Prepare to be dazzled, folks, because I'm about to offer you a chance to glimpse our own personal miracle. We have a knot in a piece of furniture that Mrs. Woody swears looks like Brigham Young. Yes! Let Dave Barry and a host of late night talk show hosts make fun of the Miracle Grilled Cheese if they will. We have an authentic, verified image of Brigham Young right in our living room. Get ready to feel that tingling in your spine, because here it is:

Isn't that great? Of course, the first time I saw it, I have to admit I had a hard time making out his image. I mean, the man's been dead for nearly 130 years now, so my own memories of the late prophet are fading fast. But Mrs. Woody was insistent that he is in fact there in that knot, so I put it to my readers of faith: is this or is this not the spitting image of Brigham Young, complete (as Mrs. Woody pointed out) with his distinctive "page boy" haircut? I'll even adjust the light for you:

Still can't quite see it? Here, let me adjust the contrast just a bit. You know how it is with glare on varnished wood...

Better? Isn't that simply astonishing?

As I say, we may very well offer this up on eBay. I mean, if the Miracle Grilled Cheese sandwich could fetch $28,000, our Miracle Brigham Young Knot ought to be worth a cool $2.00 or $3.00, easy!

On the other hand, this also makes this particular piece of furniture a real family heirloom. Think of the rolled eyes shining faces of our children when they explain to their children why Mom and Dad were committed to a facility this furniture is so special to the family.

And if, like ours, your faith has been strengthened by seeing this miracle of ours, we can only hope you start taking your medication again soon be grateful to have been allowed to share in your happiness.

Thank you.

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