#239 - That Pesky Government Changed the Calendar Again! (UPDATED)

It's Tax Season here in the Untied States. Admittedly, I am one of few who actually look forward to this time of year because it's my opportunity to ask Uncle Sam to give me back the money he's been so carefully safeguarding throughout this past year. I always wonder whether I should charge interest, but, darn it, I just can't bring myself to ask. He's so doggone likeable, and I'm sure that if I asked he'd even be willing to put me up for a few weeks' visit to his chateau at Guantanamo. I hear his staff's to die for.

Anyway, we e-filed again this year, and were notified by the bank that processes e-filed refunds that they expected our refund to arrive on the 24th of this month. The state, of course, being completely intimidated by a naturalized Austrian who keeps flexing his muscles in a threatening way, funded us a week ago.

So, since I wasn't expecting to hear anything before tomorrow, imagine my surprise to receive an email from the receiving bank this morning. At 12:30 in the morning. I, you may understand, was not awake when this email arrived.

Anyway, the second paragraph of this email reads:

We expected to receive your IRS refund on 02/24/2006. Since we only receive IRS deposits once a week, the next opportunity for us to receive your refund is one week past the expected funding date shown above. We will not have any additional information until that time.

I always appreciate an opportunity to communicate with members of the third oldest profession, especially when they give me a link in their email, and a Super Secret Code Reference Number known only to me, them, and every junior grade hacker in ninety seven countries including Easter Island. Herewith find my response (yes, I actually sent it):

Dear Sirs,

I appreciate your prompt notification of the delay in receiving our refund. I am gratified to note that the banking industry is definitely keeping pace with the latest technological advances. It is particularly noteworthy to see that you have somehow developed the ability to see at least twenty four hours into the future to determine that you already have missed receipt of a refund that wasn't scheduled to be received until tomorrow (assuming we're using the same calendar).

I applaud the industry for developing this ability that used to be limited to quack psychics and the federal government. I always find tax season to be particularly amusing, and you have helped to further propagate this tradition.

Sincerely,

Another Satisfied Customer

I'll let you know how the service is at my hotel in Guantanamo.

UPDATE: Well, this explains the technology...

Sir,

The IRS notifies us on Tuesday or Wednesday, which refunds they will actually be funding for the week. This is how we know that your money will either be available or not available. The IRS had advised us on Wednesday that they had funded all the refunds for the week. Your refund was not included. This is why you received an e-mail advising you that your refund was delayed by the IRS.
However, the IRS made a second deposit on Thursday morning, this after they had advised us your refund would not be available for this week. Your refund was in that second deposit and we are sending your refund to you, minus the fees via direct deposit. Expect your refund in your account within 1-2 business days.

So, they don't really have a time machine in the banking industry. Oh, well. Perhaps now they can focus on getting a sense of humor inste...

Nah. Some dreams are just too far-fetched.