Monday, February 06, 2006

#232 - What Makes It So Super?

(H/T: Michelle Malkin)

I haven't voluntarily watched a Super Bowl for more than a dozen years. Probably longer than that, but I can definitely vouch for the dozen. In reality, I haven't really followed any pro sports since my before my first marriage. I just got tired of watching people who make millions of dollars get arrested every other week for (pick your favorite vice) drugs, solicitation, domestic violence, steroids (don't forget lying to Congress about that one), and so on. The mystique is just gone.

Even with that, I would try to sneak in an occasional Super Bowl, if my church schedule permitted it. Once I even set up a TV in the garage so I wouldn't bother my then-wife with the game. But now that the Super Bowl is less about football, and more about the hype, the commercials, and the half-time show, there simply is no reason to get excited about the event.

This morning I'm watching the local news. I'm doing this because there's a brush fire uncomfortably close to my house and we have "red flag" conditions. Dry weather, high winds. Nature's Molotov cocktail. The local morning news shows are the worst collection of vapid pseudocelebs you can possibly imagine. Their only redeeming qualities are that they occasionally get around to reporting on newsworthy events. "Coming up; we'll have a look at more of those Super Bowl commercials, a peek at the latest exhibit of movie costumes that you won't want to miss, a discussion of whether Steve's hair is real or implanted, and, oh, yeah, some fire or other out by your house. Stay tuned."

So, I had to watch a few segments about the Super Bowl commercials in order to get to my fire ("No homes are threatened yet but don't get comfortable"). I now have a whole new list of advertisers that I will personally boycott, and will probably have to visit with my Bishop because I feel dirty. Especially after the Ameriquest commercial. Thanks, guys.

So with all the millions of dollars filling the producers' coffers - what with all the commercials, the Rolling Stoneds, and a bad gospel arrangement of the national anthem - you might think that they would take advantage of a national event to pay at least some small tribute to our troops.

You would be, no offense, an idiot.

Supporting the troops in the entertainment industry (yes, professional sports are just another division of the entertainment industry) has become bad mojo. Why, if we dared to support the troops on national television we would be sending the message that a) the troops are doing something dangerous and life threatening so that we can continue to enjoy our freedom to play a silly game for far more money than any of us normal people will ever see in eight lifetimes and they deserve our appreciation, and b) we might somehow offend a portion of our viewing audience who will make next year's Super Bowl even less viewed than this year's, if you can imagine.

Well, I'd tell you that I, personally, plan to boycott all future Super Bowls, but in my case that would be incredibly redundant. I can, however, suggest a new reality show for the producers of the Super Bowl. In fact, it would be a show about the producers, who are each sent to Iraq as embeds with our troops in desert combat situations. They can only leave the country when they convince the troops that football is more important than building democracy in the Middle East.

That oughta take care of the Super Bowl for another year or so.

No comments: