Monday, August 23, 2004

Selects, Frank, and Cholesterol

Ok. So. Is it just me, or is anyone else boycotting anything even looking like McDonalds Chicken Selects?

1. Olympic advertising saturation. Forget poly-unsaturates, folks. The commercials alone are hardening my arteries. You might think, being the Olympics and the fact we're watching them for two-plus weeks, that those companies who were actually able to pony up the HUGE fee to NBC would not let one of those commercials go more than two or three days in a row. Then retire it. Please. I'm begging.

2. Based on their intensive advertising, I can only assume that anyone who actually consumes Chicken Selects becomes schizophrenic with bi-polar disorder. That's certainly the impression I get watching that girl in the flourescent green outfit talking to invisible people in an alternate universe. I haven't seen behavior like that since Sgt. Joe Friday busted Timothy Leary's disciples on Dragnet. And if the other guy worked in my office, he'd have been right at the top of the layoff list. Or paid a visit by a disgruntled postal worker. Under contract.

3. And while we're at it, you might ALSO think that VISA (whose motto, according to Dave Barry is: More Powerful than God) could somehow make sure that Frank Sinatra's voice was synchronized with his image. I mean, sure, Frank was never really synchronized in life. But with all this wonderful technology - you know, stuff that can make even Madonna* look good on occasion - we might be able to make Frank not look like he's doing a bad karaoke.

Color me just another disenfranchised consumer.

* P.S. I was kidding about Madonna. NOTHING can make her look good. I know that. Just checking to see if you have a pulse.

P.P.S And another thing... according to the commercials, I dropped my IQ about 50 points by being a Saturn customer. Caveat: It's NOT a Vue, and I've had it for nearly 8 relatively trouble-free years now. Just FYI.


Cameron said...

One of the good things about not having watched more than 12 cumulative seconds of the Olympics is that I haven't a clue what you're talking about. I engage in one boycott, and, Lo! I effectively engage in a second.

That's called efficiency.

Anonymous said...

I've watched more than 12 cumulative seconds, but the one with whom I watch (did you catch the good grammar?) has a quick thumb and as soon as a commercial comes on we're surfing away . It's a good thing I love to read...