Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Attention, Arnold Schwarzenegger

If you've read this blog for any length of time, you probably know of my predeliction for vehicles that have a more streamlined appearance. I despise the "box" look, both for its aesthetics as well as for its counter-intuitive aerodynamics. If I want to drive a box I'll buy an old Jeep, put mud flaps on it and drive around the high desert. Since I despise the high desert as much or more than I despise boxy cars, you can imagine how likely that is. I've already excoriated Scion for their pathetic-looking cracker-boxes-on-wheels. I considered it my duty to common sensibilities.

This disturbing trend toward "military chic" in vehicles today was never more evident than when I saw this jaw-dropper on the freeway yesterday. This from Mercedes-Benz, whose love affair with Chrysler is coming to an inevitable end. The model I saw was black, and looked (by Mercedes standards) downright cheap.

You had to have been there, probably. The moment I saw this... this thing rolling along in the carpool lane, my jaw hung limp for a moment or two. Then my brain re-engaged and my very first thought was, "Gee. Looks like a Matchbox car that said, 'I wish, I wish, I wish I could grow up to be a Hummer!'"

Yeah, a Hummer worth around $85,000, thank you very much. I didn't pay that much for my first house.

So, this being Orange County and all, I expect to see quite a few more of these things. The northern section of the county is renowned for two things: the worst drivers in the state of California, and the HUGE vehicles they insist on driving. Vehicles containing multiple area codes. Vehicles that make John Edwards' carbon-wasting mansion look like a bungalow on the beach. Vehicles capable of carrying BOTH Ted Kennedy and Al Gore. And now they can have the ultra-chic Mercedes brand emblazoned on their machines of doom. (Interesting corollary: The fewer children Orange County families have, the larger the vehicle they will be driving.)

Schwarzenegger must be choking on his cigars just looking at them. I wouldn't be surprised to learn he's already put in an order for five of them.

No comments: