Every once in a great while, we find something that just hits us completely the wrong way. So much so, in fact, that we feel a need to lodge a protest. The problem is, I'm not a protester. I don't like confrontation and really despise the idea of getting in anyone's face. I barely have room enough for the face I was born with, let alone someone else's. Besides, I don't know where that thing's been...
Some few truly choice entities, however, can still raise my hackles. Quickly. Like the RNC, for example. Most of the time I can ignore them, just as they ignore me. Until they need money. Then they're all over me. "Mr. Woody," they say, "you know we really can't get the job done unless we have every ounce of your disposable income in order to tell everyone why they need to vote for whoever our candidate is this election as opposed to that scumbag pinko commie Diss-ocrat that gets all of his or her money directly from Hollywood. How much may we soak you for?"
Then there are people who advertise on TV.
For some reason, Madison Avenue (I assume it's still Madison Avenue... it's been a few years since I paid any attention!) has lately felt compelled to create ads that push the envelope of poor taste. In fact, the more offensive the punch line, the better for the ad execs and sponsors. Case in point tonight: Carl's Jr.
I've not been a fan of their advertising for quite some time now, beginning with those lovely, mouth-watering images of the glop dripping down onto some athlete's smelly gym shoes. Yummy! And hygienic! But now, they've violated every pregnant woman in America by shoving a camera up into previously private recesses (except for National Geographic, Nova, and a few score books on the subject) to hear the rantings of a neo-homeboy talking about "busting out" and "taking some of this with me" (as he grabs a handful of placenta). Yeah. I want a kid like that in my home. And, oh, by the way, guess I'd better go patronize Carl's Jr. so any future unborn generations won't hold things against me.
So, once again, Carl's Jr. (and they're by no means the only offenders in today's market) have seen fit to alienate my particular demographic (middle-aged men and women who happen to treasure thoughtful exchanges between parents and their offspring) and perpetuate the idea that the only attitude that sells today is the in-yo-face variety.
Hence our boycott.
We do not ask - nor do we expect - anyone to join us. Ours will be a silent protest. We will simply refuse to eat Carl's Jr. food until the offensive advertising is eradicated. Which, I suspect, means that I have now gone cold turkey on Carl Karcher Enterprises.
So, gee, really sorry about ruining a booming economy for everyone. Really, I am. But a man's gotta make a stand.
I plan to make mine upwind from Carl's. The smell is starting to nauseate me.
HE NOW OWNS TWO FERRARIS AND 78,000 CHEW TOYS
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